Nanny Poppins Book Shelf

I've been doing a lot of audiobooks lately and I love it! Audible.com is one of my favorites and their app for the iPhone is fantastic! 

I just recently finished a book that I'd like to write a little review for. 

Cage of Stars is about a Mormon family, specifically a young Mormon girl, who faces a terrible family tragedy when a man murders the girls 2 younger sisters. The family goes through the stages of grief in different ways and faces the dilemma of forgiveness vs. revenge. I came across this book on the website whatshouldireadnext.com (another awesome resource for readers!) and it caught my attention because of the Mormon aspect of it. The books author is not a Mormon, which for a Utah raised Mormon girl like myself was easy to detect in the writing. It was clear the Mormon community wasn't her own culture. However, I really liked and appreciated the authors use of a Mormon family and her respect for and obvious research into our beliefs. Nothing was glaringly incorrect, and anything that wasn't quite right was very minor little not picks. Overall it was pretty well written for someone who didn't grow up a Utah Mormon! 

The story itself was very good and definitely kept my attention. I got through the book in just a couple of days. I really liked the journey the main character took seeing how her parents reacted to the loss of her sisters and how she reacted, all of them so differently. And ultimately how some of them found the strength to forgive while she held the anger and desire for revenge so central to herself. The ending was a bit surprising and maybe not the best ending of a book ever but the whole story was definitely worth the read :) 

My Abortion Belief

One of the biggest issues for many voters is abortion and its one of my big issues too. One side shouts how they want the right to choose and to control their own bodies, the other side shouts about honouring life and that abortion is murder. There's arguments over when life actually starts, there's arguments over when abortion is okay and when it's not depending on situations. Everyone has an opinion on this one. Say the word abortion and you're going to generate some heated discussion. I am no exception to this. What I believe, I believe very strongly and after hearing more and more on the subject I have a desire to "spill my guts" and get my opinion out there into the world. Agree, disagree, like, dislike, whatever your opinion, you're entitled to yours and I'm entitled to mine...so here it is:

The whole Pro-Choice argument is simply a giant load of crap.

To stay pregnant or not should never even be seen as optional. Pregnancy is not a choice, it is a consequence which comes from a choice. Your CHOICE was having sex. One of the many consequences of choosing to have sex is PREGNANCY. You don't get to opt out of your consequences and shout you have the right to choose to not be accountable. That's not how it works!

Lets look at murder as an example (putting aside for a moment that murder is exactly what abortion is)...if you murder someone, you go to jail. A murderer makes a choice to take someone else's life and then the consequence of that choice is prison. They don't get to say "that's not fair, I have the right to choose and I choose to not go to jail". That's ridiculous and everyone knows it.

So if a murderer can't escape their consequence for their choices, why should a women get to escape the consequence of her choice to roll the dice with procreation?

Sex = Pregnancy.

Sex has many purposes, I grant you that, but one of its main functions is to create life. If you can't handle the possibility that you could be pregnant then you have NO business whatsoever having sex. Just as not all murderers are caught or charged, not every sexual encounter results in pregnancy but if you murder, you know you may end up in jail and if you do there's no "choosing" not to go. If you have sex, you could get pregnant and if you do that means a baby.

Of course there are exceptions. If you murder in self defence, you are an exception...if you are raped that wasn't your choice. With my own beliefs I'd like to think I wouldn't kill what I consider an innocent baby because someone did something so horrible to me, however, I have never and hope to never be in that position and I can't for a second think it okay for me to tell any women dealing with something so horrible what they have to do in it. If it were me who knows what I'd really end up choosing. Same goes for life of the mother. If the baby is risking the mothers life then I believe a family has a right to decide what to do. That can easily fall under the self defence exception.

But when we're talking about a woman who makes the CHOICE to be sexually active, how dare she be given the right to kill an innocent child because she doesn't want to own up to the consequence of her own choices. The selfishness of that makes me sick.

For religious reasons, I made the choice to save sex for marriage. The world around me tells me that's stupid and old fashioned but I know it was one of the very best decisions I've ever made. If you don't agree, and you think sex before marriage is worth the risks involved, that IS your choice....but if you make that CHOICE then be prepared to live with the CONSEQUENCE of that choice. SEX is the choice. PREGNANCY is the consequence. Choice = Consequence. So choose wisely and don't act so shocked and shaken and desperate to get out when that choice gives you the obvious consequence.

Never Forget

No, I don't think I'll ever forget 9/11. I was home in Utah visiting my mom. At the time I was living in Philadelphia working my first nanny job. I flew home the weekend before it happened and I had to fly back the weekend after.

I remember my mom bursting into my room and waking me up shouting about the World Trade Center. Admittedly, I didn't know what or where the World Trade Center was. But I stumbled out of bed and went running to my moms room where she had it on tv. I don't really remember what I was thinking when I saw it, but I do remember watching live as the second tower fell. I remember my mom just started crying and said "All those people!" I think I was just numb.

I remember hearing nothing but news coverage that day and for days to come. No TV shows, no music...just 24/7 news and the image of those buildings going down over and over again. I remember i went to the dentist that day and as I sat in the chair the whole office was listening to the radio.

I remember how everyone wanted to do something...like a lot of people my mom and I donated blood.

I remember how the fear set in that day as we learned it was a terrorist attack and it was happening all over the East coast. I went to downtown Salt Lake to meet my best friend and was scared to be around tall buildings (even when Salt Lakes buildings aren't that big) and how most of them were shut down because of what happened.

I remember crying that night and being scared it was the end of the world...or at least the beginning of the end.

I remember flying back to Philadelphia. I remember getting to the airport hours early to be sure to make it through security in time. I remember being told not to worry because after what had happened it would be the safest time ever to fly...but that in spite of that, I felt nothing was safe and secure. It was too soon. The airports and airlines were still trying to work out all this new security and restrictions. It wasn't really organized yet, I felt. When I flew home again a month later security seemed much better. They'd had some time to catch up and get it right. I remember that first flight itself...how I was scared of the middle eastern passengers...I feel bad about that now, but at the time you simply couldn't help it. Everyone was eyeing them...how hard it must have been to be them! And I remember how, regardless of who they were or how they looked...if ANYONE stood up during that flight...restroom break, to get a book from their carry on or just to stretch their legs...the whole plane went quiet and still and watched them like a hawk.

I remember all the fear of that day and the days that followed...but I remember something else. I remember how our country came together. I remember flags...so many flags! They were everywhere! Yards, buildings, bumper stickers, t-shirts...you name it, it had a flag on it.



I remember the memorials, and the candlelight vigils, the benefit concerts and the fundraisers for the victims and their families. I remember the firefighters and policemen and how appreciated those professions became. I remember feeling proud to be American, and that feeling has stuck. I love my country, I love my people, and I love how we all came together in the face of tragedy. I pray we will all remember that and keep that unity alive!

Totally Lost

For the past few months Phil and I have been watching the TV series Lost. Phil had seen a couple seasons but I had never watched a single episode. It had always been on my list of things to watch though so when it popped up on Netflix we started at the beginning and got very hooked! Finally we are to...



As of last night we are down to 2 episodes left (which we should be watching tonight!) I'm very excited to see how this all ends and maybe get some dang answers!! Lol I'm also very glad I watched this series after it was over so I didn't have to wait weeks and months between episodes....that would have been lame!!! Haha

Favorite Time of Year!

Anyone else already super excited for Halloween or is it just me? I don't even get annoyed that there's been Halloween stuff appearing in stores for weeks now and it's still 2 months away! I LOVE Halloween! This marks the beginning of my favorite time of year...Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years! Holidays galore and they're all super fun ones!

I love Halloween probably just as much as I love Christmas! (and I love Christmas a lot!) I love having an excuse to dess up in costume and not seem like a total freak! Hehe I love candy and parties and haunted houses and picking pumpkins and carving said pumpkins and house decorations and scary movies and Halloween music! The works! I love it all! Luckily I married an awesome guy who loves it too!

Last year we threw a Halloween party. We both dressed up as vampires, decorated the house, carved pumpkins and had a blast and I was so happy Phil was doing it all with me! He even suffered through a load of scary movies with me even though they're not his favorite.

This year I'm already planning our 2nd annual Halloween party and I can't wait! Phil and I need to decide on our costumes for this year. I have tons of ideas but not sure which I'll go with. Whatever we end up deciding, I'm just so excited for it all!

One of my favorite things is holiday cooking and crafts! This year Phil and I are trying to eat healthier which is putting a massive damper on my holiday cooking creativity....especially now I've discovered Pinterest! But that's a whole different blog entry! Lol) So I'm not sure how I'll reconcile that one. At least the party will give me an excuse to splurge a bit and make some fun stuff! As for Thanksgiving and Christmas....I'll have to negotiate with Phil a bit. I am on board that we need to eat healthier and lose weight....but I am of the opinion that Thanksgiving can simply NOT be a diet day! I'm already collecting Thanksgiving recipes and I intend to use them!!!! Hehe

For now....happy holiday season everyone! Hope you all enjoy it! I know I will!!!!

Gardening...Its not for everyone

This year Phil and I decided to have a garden (Okay...honestly, PHIL decided we'd have a garden...I just sort of had to go along with it) We bought some seeds, planted them in empty egg cartons filled with compost we went and gathered from the city (helped shovel it and everything!) watered them...and watched them grow.

(Not actually photo of our egg cartons...not sure where those ended up on my computer lol) Despite my begrudging attitude toward the MacDonald garden, I actually started to get really excited when our little plants began to sprout up! Next came time to plant them... Phil gets all the credit for that...he planted everything! Together we kept them watered and weeded and watched them grow and it was all rather exciting for me! My favorite thing to watch was the corn...I LOVE corn on the cob! I was so totally excited about eating my own corn on the cob that we'd grown all ourselves! As the stalks grew from their tiny little seeds I had quite the sense of garden pride. The peas were the first thing to be ready for picking and they were so yummy we were eating them straight out of the pods...but when all was said and done...we only got enough peas for about one meal. That was a bit of a let down, though they were delicious! However both Phil and I began to think our little garden just wasn't big enough to give us the results we hoped for. Still it was a fun to have a little taste of home grown veggies. But that all changed...when the racoon came! Remember those beautiful corn stalks I was so excited about? You should have seen the excitment the day we could see the actual ears of corn finally start growing! I couldn't wait to harvest them...but before we got the chance to, we woke up one morning to find that a racoon had visited our garden and knocked over our stalks of corn and eaten off of our little corn ears! Seriously!?! All that work to feed a RACOON!?!?! Well...that was it for me. Once that dumb racoon ate my corn I lost all interest in the stupid garden. We went on vacation and didn't even bother asking anyone to water it for us. After we came back, Phil went out one day and started to clear out the garden which was overrun with weeds and dead or half eaten veggies. He mananged to salvage a few cucumbers which honestly did pretty well (One is HUGE! I want to make it a giant pickle! hehe) but the funniest part of our garden is the item doing best of all...the tomatoes!

Why is that funny....because we didn't PLANT any tomatoes!!! After we started growing our plants, Phil noticed that some tomoto plants were sprouting up in odd places. Turns out they came from the compost we'd gotten from the city! So he started digging them up and transplanting them into a nice tidy row at the end of our garden. Now, those tomotoes are growing great! Nice and big and delicious! Today we had some of them roasted with olive oil, salt, pepper, and parmesean herb seasoning! DELICIOUS! Gotta say though...its a pretty big slap in the gardeners face when the only plant to do well is the one they didn't plant! Haha Needless to say...we won't be gardening next year...I'll stick to getting my fresh produce from local farm stands. Gardening is NOT for me! :)

Making Time For Me...A Bit of an Epiphany

Last night something strange happened... Phil and I had a silly tiff over something really dumb. I wasn't really mad, just felt annoyed with the situation and with him (to be fair I'm sure he felt mad and/or annoyed with me too!) It wasn't anything major...nothing that needed to be hashed out. I knew it would just resolve when we were both in a better mood. This isn't the strange part...this stuff happens with couples. What was strange was that I was perfectly fine spending the evening without him. The fact is, I don't think that's ever happened before! Even when I'm mad at him, even when we're fighting, whatever the case may be, I HATE being apart from him. When I have church activities or book club or work or anything that takes me away from him for an evening, all I can do is look at the clock and long to have whatever it is over with so I can get back home to him. Last night, I didn't feel that. Instead of rushing home I went to a friends instead and had a lovely evening with her and her cute little baby boy. I realized how desperately I've missed "girl time". It was really nice to just be with a friend, calm and relaxed and enjoying the company of someone other than Phil. A part of me hurts over this. I love Phil so tremendously with everything I am. All the time we spent apart during our courtship and beginning of our marriage took its toll on me emotionally. Once we were finally here in Canada together, it took months for me to be okay just being in a different room than him. It sounds pathetic...rather it IS pathetic. I'm sort of a sad little puppy that feels the need to follow him around from room to room simply because I hated it so much when we couldn't be together. But I think because of that emotional strain, I've let myself get rather lost in my relationship...allowing it to completely define me and somehow left Amanda, the independent woman who lived on the East Coast for 6 years, totally behind. Maybe that's over evaluating it...I'm still me of course. I still like the same things and have the same personality quirks, etc. The thing is, all those things I enjoy, I don't spend much time doing them anymore. Reading, photography, taking a drive for no reason, spending time alone in nature, spending hours on the phone with old friends, going to dinner or out to movies with girlfriends, writing, drawing, creating, guitar....How long its been since I do any of these things. The most I do is read, but even then, if its not an audio book I'm lucky to make it through a single book in many months time. Instead of choosing to spend solo time doing any of these things I enjoy, I choose to spend all my time doing whatever Phil happens to be doing. That choice individually isn't bad, in fact I think its one of the reasons Phil and I are so close and our relationship is so strong, because we do make the time and effor to be together a lot. But, I think...I know, it would be healthier for me if I made the effort from time to time and chose to do something for me. Its not an easy thing for me to admit. I really LOVE spending time with my husband. He's my very best friend and a tremendous about of my life's joy. But it really is important for me to remember that he's not my ONLY joy and that many things brought me joy before he was ever in my life. So, its an effort I am really going to try and make, whether its once a week or a few times a month...I just need to make the choice to spend time with Amanda....not just hang out with the MacDonald's all the time. I am a MacDonald...but I was Amanda first.

Happy 25th Birthday Adam

Happy Birthday to my angel Adam...Love and miss you everyday XOXOXOX

Favorite Things....At The Moment

BREAKING DAWN: Part 1



Thus far I've been completely disappointed by the Twilight movies....until now that is. Breaking Dawn Part 1 was in my opinion fantastic! I love the books and this was the first time I felt like they really followed the book and captured the essence of what the book is supposed to be and feel like. Most surprisingly was that Phil really liked it to. We saw it twice in the theater and I can't wait for it to be out on DVD! I've been listening to the soundtrack and score a lot lately and I love it!



Another movie I can't wait for DVD is In Time. Phil and I saw this on a whim but I was completely taken by surprise with it and kept thinking about it days later. A very interesting movie that I'd love to see again.



HUNGER GAMES MOVIE

I can't wait to see this...I get goosebumps just from the trailer!



BOOKS:




Currently I haven't been reading much new stuff...just too busy with the holidays. But I have been making good use of my audio books on my ipod. Recently I've relistened to The Hunger Games Trilogy (excitement sparked by the trailer previously shared!) and The Time Traveler's Wife, one of my all time favorite books.



I've been going to Curves the last few weeks on a trial membership and think I'm going to join in the new year. I really enjoy the convenience of it...just run in and get a full workout in 30 minutes then back out the door again. Plus its right by our house.



In exercising and eating healthy, Phil and I have cut out one of our favorite things....Dill Pickle flavored potato chips. But we've found a healthier option....Dill Pickle popcorn seasoning! Our new favorite snack...air popper popcorn and this amazing stuff! Don't even miss chips now!



While eating our popcorn, Phil and I have been sucked into a One Tree Hill marathon! This was one of my favorite shows before we got married and now I've hooked Phil into too...Mwahahaha

MUSIC:



My music favorites currently include the Breaking Dawn soundtracks, Faber Drive, Marianas Trench, Sugarcult and the song Secrets by One Republic...LOVE IT!



Last but not least....I'm still obsessed with Settlers of Catan. Love playing this with my brother and sister-in-law :)

Ramblings

Its been a very long time since I've blogged and I think its time I get back to it. There's so much to report that its really too much to say so instead of giving a full blown back story of the last 8 months, I will simply post a few random ramblings...not very informative I suppose but maybe entertaining at least haha And hopefully will be the start of my return to the blog world...

1. Last night Phil and I watched Batman: The Dark Knight. All night I had crazy nightmares about the Joker that freaked me out to the point that when I got up to use the restroom at about 4 am, I was actually a little scared to return to bed because I had a horrible thought that what if the Joker came in, killed Phil and took his place in bed while I was out of the room? Moral of the story....I probably shouldn't watch scary movies before bed...and when I'm tired, I'm really out of touch with reality haha

2. We're doing a bunch of work on our house at the moment....lots of painting and sanding and updating things...I feel very HGTV

3. Phil and I have been making efforts to eat healthier and get to the gym regularly...I love jogging and weight lifting (just not very good at it yet) and best of all is relaxing in the hot tub with my sweetie after a long workout :)

4. Going up to the trailer next weekend...its Alishea's 17th birthday and our one year anniversary of when Phil proposed to me :) Can't believe its been that long!

5. The baby I nanny is almost 1 year old and is into that fun phase where she's almost about to walk, is eating solid foods and really starting to understand the world around her.....soooo much fun!

6. Much as I'm loving being in Canada and being with Phil every day, I'm really feeling isolated from family and friends...miss everyone in the states :(

7. Apparently my old job has gone through at least 5 replacements since I left in Feb....hmm, guess now they're realizing just how much of the bomb diggity I was!

8. Every Saturday morning for about a month, I would get up and make cookies....we dubbed this event "Cookie Saturday" (I know...creative lol)...now we're trying to be more healthy....no more "Cookie Saturdays" :( So sad

9. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 was a seriously massive disappointment....Warner Bros completely butchered the canon....Boo on you WB!

10. Phil and I have almost been married a year....that is crazy! Time sure is flying by...so glad we're together now :)

Time Together, Time Apart, Always Waiting

I just finished rereading The Time Traveler's Wife. The first time I read it was last year during my month of silence from Phil and I guess the time of year gave me the desire to reread it again...perhaps this will be a December reading tradition for me. At the time, I felt a stong connection to Clare and the way her character is waiting for Henry. From the very first paragraph Clare gives us I felt I knew just how she was feeling. There I was alone, waiting for Phil to come back, if he was coming back and completely unaware of when that might be.

Fast forward to now and I feel an even stronger connection to Clare then I did last year. Thankfully time traveling does NOT exsist and we're not plagued by it, but our life is full of ups and downs, togethers and not-togethers. When we're apart I mostly feel like I'm just coasting through, trying to hang on until we're together again, counting the days till we're back with each other. Some days I'm fine, sometimes I enjoy being alone and the freedoms it gives, as Clare describes, but mostly I just miss being with him and worry about him and wish it was time for us to be together.

Clare and Henry's is such a beautifully tragic tale. For them, the periods of separation and waiting and worrying never end...Clare spends her entire life waiting. Our blessing is that our separations will end and hopefully soon...hopefully the long weeks of waiting to be together will become long hours from morning till night as we go our separate working ways each day, like normal married people.

Santa Boxes Together

Last year during our month of no talking I was going crazy. Being the pessimist I am my mind started to run amock...What if something happens to him? Would someone know to call me? Would anyone let me know?

As these horrible thoughts swirled in my brain I decided to Google Phil's name (I know, I know...stalkerish aren't I? LOL) to see if anything came up...like say an accident news report or an obituary...My hope was the lack of anything would help calm me down...but I did find something.

There was a news report but it wasn't anything bad...it was an article about how Phil had volunteered as a driver, delivering Santa boxes to children in need. As I read the article I (being me) started crying. I was so happy to see that he was not only okay, but doing service for others. What a wonderful man I'd found! I also felt terrible that I'd been wallowing and depressed and imagining the worst while he was using our time apart to do something for others. It brought such peace to my heart at a time I needed it so much.



This year, one of the things I was most looking forward to was getting the chance to do this awesome service WITH Phil! His participation in it had meant so much to me last year. This year we could share it together. Last weekend I got to help deliver Santa boxes with Phil and Alishea. It was so fun and was so nice seeing the excited looks on those little kids faces when they saw the boxes we were bringing. Most of all I loved doing something to help others with the people who matter most to me. Great day!

The Perfect Thanksgiving!

Yesterday was the perfect Thanksgiving! Wednesday night I drove up to James and Martha's house and Phil, Abrianna and Chloe drove down to meet me. We spent Thursday with them. It was so nice spend the morning sleeping in with my husband, then cooking all day with Martha and listening to the kids run around the house so happy and having Phil there beside me all day. The meal was wonderful and it was so much fun to be with family. I haven't had a family Thanksgiving since before I moved to NY! That made it all the more special.

After dinner we drove back to Phil's house in Canada where I'll be spending the next few days. Last night Phil and I were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie and it was so nice and relaxing and all I could think about was the same night last year and what a massive difference a year can make.

Last Thanksgiving came just a few weeks after we found out Phil's divorce was delayed and he would have to refile. We'd been talking to each other a long time, but had been advised by our bishop's not to meet in person until after the divorce was completely final. When things got delayed, I started having the feeling we shouldn't be talking until everything was once again filed and out of Phil's hands. The night before Thanksgiving we talked about it and prayed about it. Thanksgiving night we decided we would stop talking to each other completely until the divorce was refiled...and we weren't sure how long that might be. When we hung up Skype that night I cried and cried and cried. The next month without having Phil to talk to each day was one of the hardest months of my life. So many fears, so many doubts and so much lonliness during a time of year that is usually my very favorite. I remember hoping that all would work out and that by the holidays the next year, we'd be able to spend them together.

I wish now that I could go back to Amanda 2009 and tell her that everything was going to be okay...that next years Thanksgiving would be nothing but happy smiles...that next Thanksgiving night she'd be falling asleep in Phil's arms instead of crying herself to sleep alone. I mentioned this to Phil and he told me I'd never believe myself...he's probably right haha, but still, it would have been nice to have some real hope in my heart to combat all the doubts...but I guess it was our love that gave me hope back then.

Applying all this thoughtfulness to our current situation...I wonder what Amanda 2011 would have to say to me now if she came back in time with a message. Hopefully she'd tell me that by next Thanksgiving I'll be living in Canada with Phil and that we won't have to say goodbye again after the holiday weekend is over. Looking forward to the future, it seems so very far away. I remember how very far away meeting Phil in person seemed while we were waiting for it. But now here we are, married! Where will we be a year from now?

Probably most important to me about all this...by looking back to last year and remember how hard it was and how much it broke me inside to have to let Phil go for that month and just hope and pray that he'd come back to me, it helps me to keep the now in better perspective and to be so much more grateful for all that we're blessed with. Its so hard now being apart, but we are so blessed to have each other, to be sealed for eternity, to have the technological means to talk to and see each other each day, even from different countries, to have the means and ability to travel to see it each other regularly and to know without a doubt how very much we love each other. Being apart is hard...but we have been through SOOOOO much worse...we've been through it, we've survived it and we've fallen more in love because of it and remembering the hard stuff makes me so thankful for what we have now and makes the trials we're now facing seem a lot more manageable.

I have so much to be thankful for!

My wonderful loving husband who makes my life special every day
Our temple marriage and our family friends that got to be there to share it with us
Our family who loves us
3 beautiful amazing girls
James and Martha living so close now
Our wonderful wards
Our great friends
Our jobs that provide for our needs
Our immigration papers...slowly but surely coming together
Our house and all our temporal blessings
The gospel and its presence in our lives each day
Our Savior and his incredible love for us
For The Atonement and its healing affects in our lives
For our Heavenly Father who loves us and brought us to each other

We are so very blessed!!!

Pretty much the best Christmas song ever HAHA

Home Remedies

I'm not a fan of going to the doctor...not because I have anxiety about doctors, but because I have anxiety about the bills. Due to the nature of my work I've never had decent health insurance and have even been completely screwed over by a fraudulent insurance company. Because of lousy coverage, simple illnesses end up costing me a lot of money.

Luckily I don't get sick often and rarely is it enough to need a doctor, but there are a couple exceptions. The 2 biggies working with kids are pink eye and strep throat.

A couple years ago I got pink eye, went off to the doctors, and $150 later I was back home with a perscription. The perscription worked and I got better, no problem...except I was $150 dollars poorer. Not cool!

A year later I got pink eye again, this time I didn't want to part with another $150 so I started doing some searching online. I found a lot of home remedy ideas. Some of them, like rinsing your eye with lemon juice or honey and water, seemed just plain stupid. Maybe the really work but I wasn't keen on dropping citric acid into my eyes so I kept reading. I came across one that I felt confident couldn't hurt to try. Saline solution.



According to the website, using saline contact solution as eye drops will clear up pink eye. Since contact solution gets in your eyes all the time when you wear the contacts you've just rinsed with them, I decided it was a safe option. I started dropping saline solution in my eyes several times through the day and just as quickly as the antibiotics from doctor had done it, my pink eyes started to clear up. Within a few days it was totally gone. Awesome!!! One bottle of saline solution: around $6-10...an easy home remedy for pink eye...priceless! :)

I was thrilled! But what about other home remedy ideas? The next time it crossed my mind was during a visit to Canada when I got a UTI - miserable! I'd had one before after a kidney stone (even MORE miserable!) so I knew what it was. I was in Canada and not sure how to even go about seeing a doctor and getting a perscription in a foreign country, let alone how much it would cost me! UGH! So I turned back to the internet...Once again I found lots of suggestions and a lot of them seemed perfectly easy. The two I decided to give a try....drink lots of cranberry juice and water mixed with baking soda. Phil ran out and got me a giant container of cranberry juice and I started mixing glasses of baking soda and water.



I drank and drank and drank and again, within a few days I was back to normal. Yay! I was becoming a BIG fan of home remedies!

My most recent illness...the dreaded strep throat, courtesy of the little girl I nanny. I did a search online but didn't find much. Most things I read said that there were the potential for a lot of complications and worse things to come if left untreated....hmm, didn't sound like something I should risk on home remedies, especially as what was being suggested didn't sound like anything more than preventative stuff or pain control. So I went to the doctor...$150 more...gross. But I got better and all was back to normal.

Until yesterday, when I woke up with a sore throat again. Not a big deal I figured because I get sore throats a lot in the fall and winter. But it didn't go away all day. My tonsils are swollen and my throat is red...no white yet and not as painful but ugh...what I'm getting strep again? My other nanny kiddos class had another case of strep this week so what if I've been exposed again? So totally uncool! And right before Thanksgiving and my trip to Canada...NO!

Since things were in early stages I decided to go back to online remedies and try to stop this in its tracks...Drinking tons of OJ, gargling salt water, taking echinaesea and zinc...all that jazz. But there was another couple suggestions I hadn't tried before. Yogurt apparently could help so I've had some of that, the other was to gargle with apple cider vinegar



Ewww, that sounds unpleasant. But it doesn't sound too hazardous either so I decided to try. BIG mistake!

Seriously, that was one of the worst things I ever tasted...I immediately started gagging and it took about 10 minutes of mouth rinsing and drinking juice to get the flavor to go away so I didn't feel like throwing up anymore. So SOOOO gross!

Maybe it would really work...but I can NOT handle it...too gross for me! So I'll just keep to the vitamin c, zinc and yogurt and hope for the best!

How do you know if its love?

If you know me, you know I love Harry Potter...well maybe love is a bit of an understatement! Previous to my obsession with my wonderful husband, my obsession was the boy wizard. I love the books, love the movies, love to discuss the canon to death! Love fan art, and wizard rock, and Pottercast, and fan conventions...I love it all! As I've "grown up" the obsession has had to dwindle of course but the love is still very much there.



The point...Part 1 of the Deathly Hallows movie opens this Friday! The final book...the final movie (well the first half anyway) and where will I be this Friday at midnight...not watching Harry Potter.

No midnight showing for me...won't even be seeing the movie on Friday. Why?

See I have this husband now, who I love very much and I really want to see it with him! So much so in fact that I made him listen to all 7 books so he'd be Potter "worthy" to watch this film with me (haha) and being a wonderful, loving and supportive husband he did just that. He's listened to them and really liked them. We've watched other HP movies together and he even took me to the Harry Potter movie exhibit in Toronto while we were dating. One of the best things about Phil is how he loves that I'm a nerd. He thinks the fact that I have a robe and a wand and go to conventions and play video games is one of the best things about me.



And so I will be waiting an extra week until we're together for Thanksgiving to see Deathly Hallows with my Phil. As my friend Kate put it last night..."Now that's love!"

Yes...Yes it is!

Focusing on the Happy

Yesterday was hard (as per my depressing blog entry) and today is hard too...basically every day is hard. Some I handle better than others...these last few haven't been in that category. I read an entry on a friends blog yesterday discussing all the "What if" questions that we beat ourselves up with. I have a lot of them:

What if Phil dies?

What if Phil leaves me?

What if I'm never good enough?

What if I'm always fat?

What if I get pregnant before I'm in Canada?

What if when the time is right we can't get pregnant at all?

What if there's a complication and immigration takes even longer than it already is?

What if my employers find a new nanny before I'm ready to go?

What if I never see that money that's owed to me?

What if I moved in with James and Martha to be closer to Phil now? Would the job stuff work out or would it be a huge mistake?

What if I'm a terrible wife and mother?

The list of negative "What ifs" goes on and on and can drive a person completely insane. So yesterday as I considered these and many others I also started to consider positive "What ifs":

What if Phil and I had never found each other?

What if I'd settled for someone or something else that could never be as perfect for me as he is?

What if I'd gotten the job in California? Would Phil and I have made it?

What if we were still waiting on the divorce? How much better the waiting is now!

What if we hadn't been able to be married in the temple?

What if I didn't have a job at all?

What if we had to spend another Christmas apart?

So many things could be so much worse and we are so blessed that they're not! We're so blessed to have each other, to have an eternal marriage, to have jobs, to have Phil's 3 beautiful girls...so many blessings. Its not always easy, but I'm trying to focus on happy things.

The most happy thing of all is my wonderful husband. Last night after feeling miserable and depressed all day long my sweet Phil did the very best thing he could while we're apart...he got me talking and he listened. I was able to pour out all the negative emotions that had been tormenting me all day long and know that the ears that were listening love and care about me and probably feel the same things I'm feeling. I asked him in the end how he was able to face it all without letting it bog him down the way it does me. He told me that you just have to rid your mind of the negative thoughts and fill it up with positive ones. You can't sit and stew over the bad things we can't change, the trials we can't avoid...it is what it is and obsessing won't change it. You just have to be positive, be grateful for what you have and look forward. Easier said than done for someone like me who focuses on the bad way too much to be healthy...but good sound advice. I'm so grateful to have such a loving wonderful man who listens when I need it, offers good counsel, is a worthy priesthood holder and loves me so very much.

After I vented Phil managed to do something miraculous...he cheered me up. As we talked about other things he had me smiling and laughing and feeling much lighter than I had all day long. It was only a short time of the day we got to spend together but he made it really count and really made a difference to end my day on a good note...I am so grateful for Phil. Even though we can't be together now, he is the most wonderful blessing and the most loving husband. I love you baby!

Rain & Hunger

Have you ever seen the movie Men in Black 2? One of the characters discovers she is from another planet and that she controls the weather with her mood. Whenever she's sad it rains, but her whole life she just thought the rain made her sad rather than her sadness making it rain.

I feel like that...I always feel so gloomy inside when the weather is dark and rainy. Yesterday was great, sunny and cool...a perfect fall day. I got lots done and felt great. This morning when my alarm went off all I wanted was to stay in bed, and when it was time to tell Phil goodbye, turn off Skype and head to work it nearly broke my heart to leave him. I always miss him, I always wish we were together, but sometimes the want becomes a need...its physically painful to be apart from him and I miss him with every bit of my heart and soul. Why am I married but still so painfully alone all the time...

I felt that way this morning and have no idea why. When I did finally go to work I walked out of my room and looked out the window to find that it was dark and gloomy and rainy outside. Its like my body knew it before my mind did. I guess everything just seems more hopeless in the dark and rain. Every sadness seems magnified somehow. I find it interesting how much weather can affect me. It would probably be an interesting psycological phenomenon to study.




Changing subjects...This week I finished reading The Hunger Games trilogy. Crazy, intense and thought provoking books. Aubrey pointed me in their direction and as I heard other people talking about them I got very interested and wanted to start reading them. I read the first book in just 2 days. They make you think a lot about all we take for granted, how government is run, whats right and what is wrong, war, media and all we as a society see as "entertainment". Its easy to judge the characters in the book, the country that is finding entertainment value in something so despicable and then you stop and think about how you're reading the same thing in the name of entertainment. Very interesting...

Homeless

As I've gone to visit Canada over the past 7 months a lot of things have come as a surprise to me. While it doesn't always feel like another country because its right there and seems pretty much the same as the US I'll start to get comfortable and then WHAM! Something shows up that clearly doesn't belong in the life I'm used to and I'm reminded that I truly am in a completely different country. Some of these things are funny...

Ketchup chips of course came as a surprise to me...


Poutine is now one of my favorite comfort foods...


And it struck me as very bizarre to discover there's a pizza place called "Pizza Pizza" that has nothing what so ever to do with Little Ceasars (and odder still...they have those too!)


Some things frankly just frightened me, like the demon black squirrels (just not natural, I'm telling you...squirrels are grey...maybe brown...but not black! Demons I tell you, DEMONS!) Not sure if they are hiding in some parts of the US but I'd never seen one until I was in Canada and it really shocked me!


Other things aren't so much funny as just plain annoying. Trying to adjust to kilometers vs. miles or liters vs. gallons is a real pain in the butt. I still get a little twinge of shock when I'm driving down the freeway and the sign says 100 instead of 60 or when I go to the gas pump and the price is a dollar something instead of 3 something (and thanks to liters being less than gallons, it still costs more in Canada! LOL)


I discoverd another severe annoyance last time I was in Canada. I've been making Lipton rice my entire life. You throw it in the pot, add some water and butter, boil uncovered a few minutes and let it sit to absorb all the water...boom, rice! Not so in Canada...


I was making my famous enchiladas for Phil for the first time and like I always do, I planned to serve it with Lipton Spanish rice. I was thrilled to see he already had a pack in his cupboard. I went to making it like I always do, but after about 10 minutes of cooking it still looked exactly as it had when I put everything in the pan. Baffled I asked Phil about it. He grabbed the package I'd tossed in the trash and informed me that I was supposed to cover it for 20 minutes....Cover it? 20 Minutes? What was he talking about???

"You've got to read the directions baby" he said and though he didn't mean anything by it I just about burst into tears feeling like a total idiot. It was just rice, nothing of any importance in life...but why one Earth would I read the directions for something I've been cooking perfectly for years? That's just stupid. And that's what I told him, to which he replied something about how I'm in a whole different country and things aren't the same here.

Over the weekend I'd already had other mishaps...putting things in the wrong trash bins, breaking dishes, using the washer at the wrong time of day...the bottom line is, not only am I having to adjust to a whole new country, I'm having to adjust to a whole new household. A household that isn't even really mine yet despite being married to the guy that owns it. It was a silly epiphany being brought on by a package of rice, but in that moment it just all hit me. I'm homeless. I have NO WHERE in his country or mine where I really belong and feel comfortable in. In CT I live with my employers, and every nanny knows that you NEVER feel at home there. You're forever feeling weird and awkward about the dumbest things...grabbing a bowl of cereal, going to the kitchen for a glass of water, leaving to go out on Saturday using their car...no matter how welcoming the family is, its just not your house and you know it and you never feel 100% at home there.

I've been away from Utah so long that my parents house doesn't feel like home either...its there house now, and when I'm there (which isn't often at all) I'm a guest now. Though I grew up there, it no longer feels like home to me anymore...I've grown up to much and lived away from there too long. That's normal and part of life but just one more place that's not home.

And then there's Phil's house...Phil's home...not our home...Phil's home. I don't live there yet. When I'm there, I'm a guest. I'm surrounded by stuff that isn't mine. Surrounded by rooms I'm not really familiar with yet. I can't hardly even get the tv going without assistance. Every move I make I feel like I'm intruding or wondering if I'm doing something wrong. And its all the more awful because the one person in the whole world who's opinion of me really truly matters is Phil's. I hate feeling stupid in front of him. I hate when he sees my faults and my insecurities and my mistakes. And standing in his kitchen that night, feeling stupid about rice all I wanted to do was run away and hide somewhere safe...and I realized no such place exsists for me. I went downstairs, locked myself in the bathroom and just started crying. It seems like my whole life is trying to be perfect for people and I'm so terribly bad at it. And there's no where to hide and just be imperfect, clutsy, stupid me where no one else can see.

Phil of course noticed my absense and came down to find me. I didn't know what to do or say. The whole emotional thing was stupid in and of itself, crying over rice. But it was so much more than rice and how could I explain that right. I came out of the bathroom and Phil was sitting on the couch. I crawled right up in to his arms, layed my head on his chest and trying to control the tears long enough to try to make him understand. I don't think I managed very well but he held me anyway.

Eventually I was fine and got dinner finished (though the dumb rice was beyond repair) but it didn't change the fact that I still feel very much homeless. In fact, the only place I do feel safe and like I belong is in Phil's arms and despite my hearts true desire, I can't spend my whole life there.

I hope someday soon Phil's house will become my house and that someday after that, I'll begin to really feel like its my home too. Homeless till then...

And now...back to me

As my relationship with Phil began, developed, and eventually lead to our marriage, this blog went from being just me and my random thoughts to being all about us and the wonderfulness that is having Phil in my life.

Now that we're married, I decided to make us a brand new blog for our relationship and our family. You can visit it here:

http://macdonald123.blogspot.com/

When I originally started this Nanny Poppins blog, it was just for me and my thoughts and I've decided its time to go back to that. I find it very theraputic to get my thoughts out into the world, even if no one is reading it, its just nice to put them out there...sometimes it helps get them out of my head or helps me deal with them or face them or share them when they're wonderful. Whatever the case may be, I liked having that space that was just for me, where I could be a little whiny or self absorbed or go on and on about some silly thought that I don't want to bore a real breathing person with....so that's what this will be again...

And now...back to me!