Happy 25th Birthday Adam

Happy Birthday to my angel Adam...Love and miss you everyday XOXOXOX

Favorite Things....At The Moment

BREAKING DAWN: Part 1



Thus far I've been completely disappointed by the Twilight movies....until now that is. Breaking Dawn Part 1 was in my opinion fantastic! I love the books and this was the first time I felt like they really followed the book and captured the essence of what the book is supposed to be and feel like. Most surprisingly was that Phil really liked it to. We saw it twice in the theater and I can't wait for it to be out on DVD! I've been listening to the soundtrack and score a lot lately and I love it!



Another movie I can't wait for DVD is In Time. Phil and I saw this on a whim but I was completely taken by surprise with it and kept thinking about it days later. A very interesting movie that I'd love to see again.



HUNGER GAMES MOVIE

I can't wait to see this...I get goosebumps just from the trailer!



BOOKS:




Currently I haven't been reading much new stuff...just too busy with the holidays. But I have been making good use of my audio books on my ipod. Recently I've relistened to The Hunger Games Trilogy (excitement sparked by the trailer previously shared!) and The Time Traveler's Wife, one of my all time favorite books.



I've been going to Curves the last few weeks on a trial membership and think I'm going to join in the new year. I really enjoy the convenience of it...just run in and get a full workout in 30 minutes then back out the door again. Plus its right by our house.



In exercising and eating healthy, Phil and I have cut out one of our favorite things....Dill Pickle flavored potato chips. But we've found a healthier option....Dill Pickle popcorn seasoning! Our new favorite snack...air popper popcorn and this amazing stuff! Don't even miss chips now!



While eating our popcorn, Phil and I have been sucked into a One Tree Hill marathon! This was one of my favorite shows before we got married and now I've hooked Phil into too...Mwahahaha

MUSIC:



My music favorites currently include the Breaking Dawn soundtracks, Faber Drive, Marianas Trench, Sugarcult and the song Secrets by One Republic...LOVE IT!



Last but not least....I'm still obsessed with Settlers of Catan. Love playing this with my brother and sister-in-law :)

Ramblings

Its been a very long time since I've blogged and I think its time I get back to it. There's so much to report that its really too much to say so instead of giving a full blown back story of the last 8 months, I will simply post a few random ramblings...not very informative I suppose but maybe entertaining at least haha And hopefully will be the start of my return to the blog world...

1. Last night Phil and I watched Batman: The Dark Knight. All night I had crazy nightmares about the Joker that freaked me out to the point that when I got up to use the restroom at about 4 am, I was actually a little scared to return to bed because I had a horrible thought that what if the Joker came in, killed Phil and took his place in bed while I was out of the room? Moral of the story....I probably shouldn't watch scary movies before bed...and when I'm tired, I'm really out of touch with reality haha

2. We're doing a bunch of work on our house at the moment....lots of painting and sanding and updating things...I feel very HGTV

3. Phil and I have been making efforts to eat healthier and get to the gym regularly...I love jogging and weight lifting (just not very good at it yet) and best of all is relaxing in the hot tub with my sweetie after a long workout :)

4. Going up to the trailer next weekend...its Alishea's 17th birthday and our one year anniversary of when Phil proposed to me :) Can't believe its been that long!

5. The baby I nanny is almost 1 year old and is into that fun phase where she's almost about to walk, is eating solid foods and really starting to understand the world around her.....soooo much fun!

6. Much as I'm loving being in Canada and being with Phil every day, I'm really feeling isolated from family and friends...miss everyone in the states :(

7. Apparently my old job has gone through at least 5 replacements since I left in Feb....hmm, guess now they're realizing just how much of the bomb diggity I was!

8. Every Saturday morning for about a month, I would get up and make cookies....we dubbed this event "Cookie Saturday" (I know...creative lol)...now we're trying to be more healthy....no more "Cookie Saturdays" :( So sad

9. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 was a seriously massive disappointment....Warner Bros completely butchered the canon....Boo on you WB!

10. Phil and I have almost been married a year....that is crazy! Time sure is flying by...so glad we're together now :)

Time Together, Time Apart, Always Waiting

I just finished rereading The Time Traveler's Wife. The first time I read it was last year during my month of silence from Phil and I guess the time of year gave me the desire to reread it again...perhaps this will be a December reading tradition for me. At the time, I felt a stong connection to Clare and the way her character is waiting for Henry. From the very first paragraph Clare gives us I felt I knew just how she was feeling. There I was alone, waiting for Phil to come back, if he was coming back and completely unaware of when that might be.

Fast forward to now and I feel an even stronger connection to Clare then I did last year. Thankfully time traveling does NOT exsist and we're not plagued by it, but our life is full of ups and downs, togethers and not-togethers. When we're apart I mostly feel like I'm just coasting through, trying to hang on until we're together again, counting the days till we're back with each other. Some days I'm fine, sometimes I enjoy being alone and the freedoms it gives, as Clare describes, but mostly I just miss being with him and worry about him and wish it was time for us to be together.

Clare and Henry's is such a beautifully tragic tale. For them, the periods of separation and waiting and worrying never end...Clare spends her entire life waiting. Our blessing is that our separations will end and hopefully soon...hopefully the long weeks of waiting to be together will become long hours from morning till night as we go our separate working ways each day, like normal married people.

Santa Boxes Together

Last year during our month of no talking I was going crazy. Being the pessimist I am my mind started to run amock...What if something happens to him? Would someone know to call me? Would anyone let me know?

As these horrible thoughts swirled in my brain I decided to Google Phil's name (I know, I know...stalkerish aren't I? LOL) to see if anything came up...like say an accident news report or an obituary...My hope was the lack of anything would help calm me down...but I did find something.

There was a news report but it wasn't anything bad...it was an article about how Phil had volunteered as a driver, delivering Santa boxes to children in need. As I read the article I (being me) started crying. I was so happy to see that he was not only okay, but doing service for others. What a wonderful man I'd found! I also felt terrible that I'd been wallowing and depressed and imagining the worst while he was using our time apart to do something for others. It brought such peace to my heart at a time I needed it so much.



This year, one of the things I was most looking forward to was getting the chance to do this awesome service WITH Phil! His participation in it had meant so much to me last year. This year we could share it together. Last weekend I got to help deliver Santa boxes with Phil and Alishea. It was so fun and was so nice seeing the excited looks on those little kids faces when they saw the boxes we were bringing. Most of all I loved doing something to help others with the people who matter most to me. Great day!

The Perfect Thanksgiving!

Yesterday was the perfect Thanksgiving! Wednesday night I drove up to James and Martha's house and Phil, Abrianna and Chloe drove down to meet me. We spent Thursday with them. It was so nice spend the morning sleeping in with my husband, then cooking all day with Martha and listening to the kids run around the house so happy and having Phil there beside me all day. The meal was wonderful and it was so much fun to be with family. I haven't had a family Thanksgiving since before I moved to NY! That made it all the more special.

After dinner we drove back to Phil's house in Canada where I'll be spending the next few days. Last night Phil and I were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie and it was so nice and relaxing and all I could think about was the same night last year and what a massive difference a year can make.

Last Thanksgiving came just a few weeks after we found out Phil's divorce was delayed and he would have to refile. We'd been talking to each other a long time, but had been advised by our bishop's not to meet in person until after the divorce was completely final. When things got delayed, I started having the feeling we shouldn't be talking until everything was once again filed and out of Phil's hands. The night before Thanksgiving we talked about it and prayed about it. Thanksgiving night we decided we would stop talking to each other completely until the divorce was refiled...and we weren't sure how long that might be. When we hung up Skype that night I cried and cried and cried. The next month without having Phil to talk to each day was one of the hardest months of my life. So many fears, so many doubts and so much lonliness during a time of year that is usually my very favorite. I remember hoping that all would work out and that by the holidays the next year, we'd be able to spend them together.

I wish now that I could go back to Amanda 2009 and tell her that everything was going to be okay...that next years Thanksgiving would be nothing but happy smiles...that next Thanksgiving night she'd be falling asleep in Phil's arms instead of crying herself to sleep alone. I mentioned this to Phil and he told me I'd never believe myself...he's probably right haha, but still, it would have been nice to have some real hope in my heart to combat all the doubts...but I guess it was our love that gave me hope back then.

Applying all this thoughtfulness to our current situation...I wonder what Amanda 2011 would have to say to me now if she came back in time with a message. Hopefully she'd tell me that by next Thanksgiving I'll be living in Canada with Phil and that we won't have to say goodbye again after the holiday weekend is over. Looking forward to the future, it seems so very far away. I remember how very far away meeting Phil in person seemed while we were waiting for it. But now here we are, married! Where will we be a year from now?

Probably most important to me about all this...by looking back to last year and remember how hard it was and how much it broke me inside to have to let Phil go for that month and just hope and pray that he'd come back to me, it helps me to keep the now in better perspective and to be so much more grateful for all that we're blessed with. Its so hard now being apart, but we are so blessed to have each other, to be sealed for eternity, to have the technological means to talk to and see each other each day, even from different countries, to have the means and ability to travel to see it each other regularly and to know without a doubt how very much we love each other. Being apart is hard...but we have been through SOOOOO much worse...we've been through it, we've survived it and we've fallen more in love because of it and remembering the hard stuff makes me so thankful for what we have now and makes the trials we're now facing seem a lot more manageable.

I have so much to be thankful for!

My wonderful loving husband who makes my life special every day
Our temple marriage and our family friends that got to be there to share it with us
Our family who loves us
3 beautiful amazing girls
James and Martha living so close now
Our wonderful wards
Our great friends
Our jobs that provide for our needs
Our immigration papers...slowly but surely coming together
Our house and all our temporal blessings
The gospel and its presence in our lives each day
Our Savior and his incredible love for us
For The Atonement and its healing affects in our lives
For our Heavenly Father who loves us and brought us to each other

We are so very blessed!!!

Pretty much the best Christmas song ever HAHA