The Perfect Thanksgiving!

Yesterday was the perfect Thanksgiving! Wednesday night I drove up to James and Martha's house and Phil, Abrianna and Chloe drove down to meet me. We spent Thursday with them. It was so nice spend the morning sleeping in with my husband, then cooking all day with Martha and listening to the kids run around the house so happy and having Phil there beside me all day. The meal was wonderful and it was so much fun to be with family. I haven't had a family Thanksgiving since before I moved to NY! That made it all the more special.

After dinner we drove back to Phil's house in Canada where I'll be spending the next few days. Last night Phil and I were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie and it was so nice and relaxing and all I could think about was the same night last year and what a massive difference a year can make.

Last Thanksgiving came just a few weeks after we found out Phil's divorce was delayed and he would have to refile. We'd been talking to each other a long time, but had been advised by our bishop's not to meet in person until after the divorce was completely final. When things got delayed, I started having the feeling we shouldn't be talking until everything was once again filed and out of Phil's hands. The night before Thanksgiving we talked about it and prayed about it. Thanksgiving night we decided we would stop talking to each other completely until the divorce was refiled...and we weren't sure how long that might be. When we hung up Skype that night I cried and cried and cried. The next month without having Phil to talk to each day was one of the hardest months of my life. So many fears, so many doubts and so much lonliness during a time of year that is usually my very favorite. I remember hoping that all would work out and that by the holidays the next year, we'd be able to spend them together.

I wish now that I could go back to Amanda 2009 and tell her that everything was going to be okay...that next years Thanksgiving would be nothing but happy smiles...that next Thanksgiving night she'd be falling asleep in Phil's arms instead of crying herself to sleep alone. I mentioned this to Phil and he told me I'd never believe myself...he's probably right haha, but still, it would have been nice to have some real hope in my heart to combat all the doubts...but I guess it was our love that gave me hope back then.

Applying all this thoughtfulness to our current situation...I wonder what Amanda 2011 would have to say to me now if she came back in time with a message. Hopefully she'd tell me that by next Thanksgiving I'll be living in Canada with Phil and that we won't have to say goodbye again after the holiday weekend is over. Looking forward to the future, it seems so very far away. I remember how very far away meeting Phil in person seemed while we were waiting for it. But now here we are, married! Where will we be a year from now?

Probably most important to me about all this...by looking back to last year and remember how hard it was and how much it broke me inside to have to let Phil go for that month and just hope and pray that he'd come back to me, it helps me to keep the now in better perspective and to be so much more grateful for all that we're blessed with. Its so hard now being apart, but we are so blessed to have each other, to be sealed for eternity, to have the technological means to talk to and see each other each day, even from different countries, to have the means and ability to travel to see it each other regularly and to know without a doubt how very much we love each other. Being apart is hard...but we have been through SOOOOO much worse...we've been through it, we've survived it and we've fallen more in love because of it and remembering the hard stuff makes me so thankful for what we have now and makes the trials we're now facing seem a lot more manageable.

I have so much to be thankful for!

My wonderful loving husband who makes my life special every day
Our temple marriage and our family friends that got to be there to share it with us
Our family who loves us
3 beautiful amazing girls
James and Martha living so close now
Our wonderful wards
Our great friends
Our jobs that provide for our needs
Our immigration papers...slowly but surely coming together
Our house and all our temporal blessings
The gospel and its presence in our lives each day
Our Savior and his incredible love for us
For The Atonement and its healing affects in our lives
For our Heavenly Father who loves us and brought us to each other

We are so very blessed!!!