Time Together, Time Apart, Always Waiting

I just finished rereading The Time Traveler's Wife. The first time I read it was last year during my month of silence from Phil and I guess the time of year gave me the desire to reread it again...perhaps this will be a December reading tradition for me. At the time, I felt a stong connection to Clare and the way her character is waiting for Henry. From the very first paragraph Clare gives us I felt I knew just how she was feeling. There I was alone, waiting for Phil to come back, if he was coming back and completely unaware of when that might be.

Fast forward to now and I feel an even stronger connection to Clare then I did last year. Thankfully time traveling does NOT exsist and we're not plagued by it, but our life is full of ups and downs, togethers and not-togethers. When we're apart I mostly feel like I'm just coasting through, trying to hang on until we're together again, counting the days till we're back with each other. Some days I'm fine, sometimes I enjoy being alone and the freedoms it gives, as Clare describes, but mostly I just miss being with him and worry about him and wish it was time for us to be together.

Clare and Henry's is such a beautifully tragic tale. For them, the periods of separation and waiting and worrying never end...Clare spends her entire life waiting. Our blessing is that our separations will end and hopefully soon...hopefully the long weeks of waiting to be together will become long hours from morning till night as we go our separate working ways each day, like normal married people.

Santa Boxes Together

Last year during our month of no talking I was going crazy. Being the pessimist I am my mind started to run amock...What if something happens to him? Would someone know to call me? Would anyone let me know?

As these horrible thoughts swirled in my brain I decided to Google Phil's name (I know, I know...stalkerish aren't I? LOL) to see if anything came up...like say an accident news report or an obituary...My hope was the lack of anything would help calm me down...but I did find something.

There was a news report but it wasn't anything bad...it was an article about how Phil had volunteered as a driver, delivering Santa boxes to children in need. As I read the article I (being me) started crying. I was so happy to see that he was not only okay, but doing service for others. What a wonderful man I'd found! I also felt terrible that I'd been wallowing and depressed and imagining the worst while he was using our time apart to do something for others. It brought such peace to my heart at a time I needed it so much.



This year, one of the things I was most looking forward to was getting the chance to do this awesome service WITH Phil! His participation in it had meant so much to me last year. This year we could share it together. Last weekend I got to help deliver Santa boxes with Phil and Alishea. It was so fun and was so nice seeing the excited looks on those little kids faces when they saw the boxes we were bringing. Most of all I loved doing something to help others with the people who matter most to me. Great day!

The Perfect Thanksgiving!

Yesterday was the perfect Thanksgiving! Wednesday night I drove up to James and Martha's house and Phil, Abrianna and Chloe drove down to meet me. We spent Thursday with them. It was so nice spend the morning sleeping in with my husband, then cooking all day with Martha and listening to the kids run around the house so happy and having Phil there beside me all day. The meal was wonderful and it was so much fun to be with family. I haven't had a family Thanksgiving since before I moved to NY! That made it all the more special.

After dinner we drove back to Phil's house in Canada where I'll be spending the next few days. Last night Phil and I were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie and it was so nice and relaxing and all I could think about was the same night last year and what a massive difference a year can make.

Last Thanksgiving came just a few weeks after we found out Phil's divorce was delayed and he would have to refile. We'd been talking to each other a long time, but had been advised by our bishop's not to meet in person until after the divorce was completely final. When things got delayed, I started having the feeling we shouldn't be talking until everything was once again filed and out of Phil's hands. The night before Thanksgiving we talked about it and prayed about it. Thanksgiving night we decided we would stop talking to each other completely until the divorce was refiled...and we weren't sure how long that might be. When we hung up Skype that night I cried and cried and cried. The next month without having Phil to talk to each day was one of the hardest months of my life. So many fears, so many doubts and so much lonliness during a time of year that is usually my very favorite. I remember hoping that all would work out and that by the holidays the next year, we'd be able to spend them together.

I wish now that I could go back to Amanda 2009 and tell her that everything was going to be okay...that next years Thanksgiving would be nothing but happy smiles...that next Thanksgiving night she'd be falling asleep in Phil's arms instead of crying herself to sleep alone. I mentioned this to Phil and he told me I'd never believe myself...he's probably right haha, but still, it would have been nice to have some real hope in my heart to combat all the doubts...but I guess it was our love that gave me hope back then.

Applying all this thoughtfulness to our current situation...I wonder what Amanda 2011 would have to say to me now if she came back in time with a message. Hopefully she'd tell me that by next Thanksgiving I'll be living in Canada with Phil and that we won't have to say goodbye again after the holiday weekend is over. Looking forward to the future, it seems so very far away. I remember how very far away meeting Phil in person seemed while we were waiting for it. But now here we are, married! Where will we be a year from now?

Probably most important to me about all this...by looking back to last year and remember how hard it was and how much it broke me inside to have to let Phil go for that month and just hope and pray that he'd come back to me, it helps me to keep the now in better perspective and to be so much more grateful for all that we're blessed with. Its so hard now being apart, but we are so blessed to have each other, to be sealed for eternity, to have the technological means to talk to and see each other each day, even from different countries, to have the means and ability to travel to see it each other regularly and to know without a doubt how very much we love each other. Being apart is hard...but we have been through SOOOOO much worse...we've been through it, we've survived it and we've fallen more in love because of it and remembering the hard stuff makes me so thankful for what we have now and makes the trials we're now facing seem a lot more manageable.

I have so much to be thankful for!

My wonderful loving husband who makes my life special every day
Our temple marriage and our family friends that got to be there to share it with us
Our family who loves us
3 beautiful amazing girls
James and Martha living so close now
Our wonderful wards
Our great friends
Our jobs that provide for our needs
Our immigration papers...slowly but surely coming together
Our house and all our temporal blessings
The gospel and its presence in our lives each day
Our Savior and his incredible love for us
For The Atonement and its healing affects in our lives
For our Heavenly Father who loves us and brought us to each other

We are so very blessed!!!

Pretty much the best Christmas song ever HAHA

Home Remedies

I'm not a fan of going to the doctor...not because I have anxiety about doctors, but because I have anxiety about the bills. Due to the nature of my work I've never had decent health insurance and have even been completely screwed over by a fraudulent insurance company. Because of lousy coverage, simple illnesses end up costing me a lot of money.

Luckily I don't get sick often and rarely is it enough to need a doctor, but there are a couple exceptions. The 2 biggies working with kids are pink eye and strep throat.

A couple years ago I got pink eye, went off to the doctors, and $150 later I was back home with a perscription. The perscription worked and I got better, no problem...except I was $150 dollars poorer. Not cool!

A year later I got pink eye again, this time I didn't want to part with another $150 so I started doing some searching online. I found a lot of home remedy ideas. Some of them, like rinsing your eye with lemon juice or honey and water, seemed just plain stupid. Maybe the really work but I wasn't keen on dropping citric acid into my eyes so I kept reading. I came across one that I felt confident couldn't hurt to try. Saline solution.



According to the website, using saline contact solution as eye drops will clear up pink eye. Since contact solution gets in your eyes all the time when you wear the contacts you've just rinsed with them, I decided it was a safe option. I started dropping saline solution in my eyes several times through the day and just as quickly as the antibiotics from doctor had done it, my pink eyes started to clear up. Within a few days it was totally gone. Awesome!!! One bottle of saline solution: around $6-10...an easy home remedy for pink eye...priceless! :)

I was thrilled! But what about other home remedy ideas? The next time it crossed my mind was during a visit to Canada when I got a UTI - miserable! I'd had one before after a kidney stone (even MORE miserable!) so I knew what it was. I was in Canada and not sure how to even go about seeing a doctor and getting a perscription in a foreign country, let alone how much it would cost me! UGH! So I turned back to the internet...Once again I found lots of suggestions and a lot of them seemed perfectly easy. The two I decided to give a try....drink lots of cranberry juice and water mixed with baking soda. Phil ran out and got me a giant container of cranberry juice and I started mixing glasses of baking soda and water.



I drank and drank and drank and again, within a few days I was back to normal. Yay! I was becoming a BIG fan of home remedies!

My most recent illness...the dreaded strep throat, courtesy of the little girl I nanny. I did a search online but didn't find much. Most things I read said that there were the potential for a lot of complications and worse things to come if left untreated....hmm, didn't sound like something I should risk on home remedies, especially as what was being suggested didn't sound like anything more than preventative stuff or pain control. So I went to the doctor...$150 more...gross. But I got better and all was back to normal.

Until yesterday, when I woke up with a sore throat again. Not a big deal I figured because I get sore throats a lot in the fall and winter. But it didn't go away all day. My tonsils are swollen and my throat is red...no white yet and not as painful but ugh...what I'm getting strep again? My other nanny kiddos class had another case of strep this week so what if I've been exposed again? So totally uncool! And right before Thanksgiving and my trip to Canada...NO!

Since things were in early stages I decided to go back to online remedies and try to stop this in its tracks...Drinking tons of OJ, gargling salt water, taking echinaesea and zinc...all that jazz. But there was another couple suggestions I hadn't tried before. Yogurt apparently could help so I've had some of that, the other was to gargle with apple cider vinegar



Ewww, that sounds unpleasant. But it doesn't sound too hazardous either so I decided to try. BIG mistake!

Seriously, that was one of the worst things I ever tasted...I immediately started gagging and it took about 10 minutes of mouth rinsing and drinking juice to get the flavor to go away so I didn't feel like throwing up anymore. So SOOOO gross!

Maybe it would really work...but I can NOT handle it...too gross for me! So I'll just keep to the vitamin c, zinc and yogurt and hope for the best!

How do you know if its love?

If you know me, you know I love Harry Potter...well maybe love is a bit of an understatement! Previous to my obsession with my wonderful husband, my obsession was the boy wizard. I love the books, love the movies, love to discuss the canon to death! Love fan art, and wizard rock, and Pottercast, and fan conventions...I love it all! As I've "grown up" the obsession has had to dwindle of course but the love is still very much there.



The point...Part 1 of the Deathly Hallows movie opens this Friday! The final book...the final movie (well the first half anyway) and where will I be this Friday at midnight...not watching Harry Potter.

No midnight showing for me...won't even be seeing the movie on Friday. Why?

See I have this husband now, who I love very much and I really want to see it with him! So much so in fact that I made him listen to all 7 books so he'd be Potter "worthy" to watch this film with me (haha) and being a wonderful, loving and supportive husband he did just that. He's listened to them and really liked them. We've watched other HP movies together and he even took me to the Harry Potter movie exhibit in Toronto while we were dating. One of the best things about Phil is how he loves that I'm a nerd. He thinks the fact that I have a robe and a wand and go to conventions and play video games is one of the best things about me.



And so I will be waiting an extra week until we're together for Thanksgiving to see Deathly Hallows with my Phil. As my friend Kate put it last night..."Now that's love!"

Yes...Yes it is!

Focusing on the Happy

Yesterday was hard (as per my depressing blog entry) and today is hard too...basically every day is hard. Some I handle better than others...these last few haven't been in that category. I read an entry on a friends blog yesterday discussing all the "What if" questions that we beat ourselves up with. I have a lot of them:

What if Phil dies?

What if Phil leaves me?

What if I'm never good enough?

What if I'm always fat?

What if I get pregnant before I'm in Canada?

What if when the time is right we can't get pregnant at all?

What if there's a complication and immigration takes even longer than it already is?

What if my employers find a new nanny before I'm ready to go?

What if I never see that money that's owed to me?

What if I moved in with James and Martha to be closer to Phil now? Would the job stuff work out or would it be a huge mistake?

What if I'm a terrible wife and mother?

The list of negative "What ifs" goes on and on and can drive a person completely insane. So yesterday as I considered these and many others I also started to consider positive "What ifs":

What if Phil and I had never found each other?

What if I'd settled for someone or something else that could never be as perfect for me as he is?

What if I'd gotten the job in California? Would Phil and I have made it?

What if we were still waiting on the divorce? How much better the waiting is now!

What if we hadn't been able to be married in the temple?

What if I didn't have a job at all?

What if we had to spend another Christmas apart?

So many things could be so much worse and we are so blessed that they're not! We're so blessed to have each other, to have an eternal marriage, to have jobs, to have Phil's 3 beautiful girls...so many blessings. Its not always easy, but I'm trying to focus on happy things.

The most happy thing of all is my wonderful husband. Last night after feeling miserable and depressed all day long my sweet Phil did the very best thing he could while we're apart...he got me talking and he listened. I was able to pour out all the negative emotions that had been tormenting me all day long and know that the ears that were listening love and care about me and probably feel the same things I'm feeling. I asked him in the end how he was able to face it all without letting it bog him down the way it does me. He told me that you just have to rid your mind of the negative thoughts and fill it up with positive ones. You can't sit and stew over the bad things we can't change, the trials we can't avoid...it is what it is and obsessing won't change it. You just have to be positive, be grateful for what you have and look forward. Easier said than done for someone like me who focuses on the bad way too much to be healthy...but good sound advice. I'm so grateful to have such a loving wonderful man who listens when I need it, offers good counsel, is a worthy priesthood holder and loves me so very much.

After I vented Phil managed to do something miraculous...he cheered me up. As we talked about other things he had me smiling and laughing and feeling much lighter than I had all day long. It was only a short time of the day we got to spend together but he made it really count and really made a difference to end my day on a good note...I am so grateful for Phil. Even though we can't be together now, he is the most wonderful blessing and the most loving husband. I love you baby!

Rain & Hunger

Have you ever seen the movie Men in Black 2? One of the characters discovers she is from another planet and that she controls the weather with her mood. Whenever she's sad it rains, but her whole life she just thought the rain made her sad rather than her sadness making it rain.

I feel like that...I always feel so gloomy inside when the weather is dark and rainy. Yesterday was great, sunny and cool...a perfect fall day. I got lots done and felt great. This morning when my alarm went off all I wanted was to stay in bed, and when it was time to tell Phil goodbye, turn off Skype and head to work it nearly broke my heart to leave him. I always miss him, I always wish we were together, but sometimes the want becomes a need...its physically painful to be apart from him and I miss him with every bit of my heart and soul. Why am I married but still so painfully alone all the time...

I felt that way this morning and have no idea why. When I did finally go to work I walked out of my room and looked out the window to find that it was dark and gloomy and rainy outside. Its like my body knew it before my mind did. I guess everything just seems more hopeless in the dark and rain. Every sadness seems magnified somehow. I find it interesting how much weather can affect me. It would probably be an interesting psycological phenomenon to study.




Changing subjects...This week I finished reading The Hunger Games trilogy. Crazy, intense and thought provoking books. Aubrey pointed me in their direction and as I heard other people talking about them I got very interested and wanted to start reading them. I read the first book in just 2 days. They make you think a lot about all we take for granted, how government is run, whats right and what is wrong, war, media and all we as a society see as "entertainment". Its easy to judge the characters in the book, the country that is finding entertainment value in something so despicable and then you stop and think about how you're reading the same thing in the name of entertainment. Very interesting...

Homeless

As I've gone to visit Canada over the past 7 months a lot of things have come as a surprise to me. While it doesn't always feel like another country because its right there and seems pretty much the same as the US I'll start to get comfortable and then WHAM! Something shows up that clearly doesn't belong in the life I'm used to and I'm reminded that I truly am in a completely different country. Some of these things are funny...

Ketchup chips of course came as a surprise to me...


Poutine is now one of my favorite comfort foods...


And it struck me as very bizarre to discover there's a pizza place called "Pizza Pizza" that has nothing what so ever to do with Little Ceasars (and odder still...they have those too!)


Some things frankly just frightened me, like the demon black squirrels (just not natural, I'm telling you...squirrels are grey...maybe brown...but not black! Demons I tell you, DEMONS!) Not sure if they are hiding in some parts of the US but I'd never seen one until I was in Canada and it really shocked me!


Other things aren't so much funny as just plain annoying. Trying to adjust to kilometers vs. miles or liters vs. gallons is a real pain in the butt. I still get a little twinge of shock when I'm driving down the freeway and the sign says 100 instead of 60 or when I go to the gas pump and the price is a dollar something instead of 3 something (and thanks to liters being less than gallons, it still costs more in Canada! LOL)


I discoverd another severe annoyance last time I was in Canada. I've been making Lipton rice my entire life. You throw it in the pot, add some water and butter, boil uncovered a few minutes and let it sit to absorb all the water...boom, rice! Not so in Canada...


I was making my famous enchiladas for Phil for the first time and like I always do, I planned to serve it with Lipton Spanish rice. I was thrilled to see he already had a pack in his cupboard. I went to making it like I always do, but after about 10 minutes of cooking it still looked exactly as it had when I put everything in the pan. Baffled I asked Phil about it. He grabbed the package I'd tossed in the trash and informed me that I was supposed to cover it for 20 minutes....Cover it? 20 Minutes? What was he talking about???

"You've got to read the directions baby" he said and though he didn't mean anything by it I just about burst into tears feeling like a total idiot. It was just rice, nothing of any importance in life...but why one Earth would I read the directions for something I've been cooking perfectly for years? That's just stupid. And that's what I told him, to which he replied something about how I'm in a whole different country and things aren't the same here.

Over the weekend I'd already had other mishaps...putting things in the wrong trash bins, breaking dishes, using the washer at the wrong time of day...the bottom line is, not only am I having to adjust to a whole new country, I'm having to adjust to a whole new household. A household that isn't even really mine yet despite being married to the guy that owns it. It was a silly epiphany being brought on by a package of rice, but in that moment it just all hit me. I'm homeless. I have NO WHERE in his country or mine where I really belong and feel comfortable in. In CT I live with my employers, and every nanny knows that you NEVER feel at home there. You're forever feeling weird and awkward about the dumbest things...grabbing a bowl of cereal, going to the kitchen for a glass of water, leaving to go out on Saturday using their car...no matter how welcoming the family is, its just not your house and you know it and you never feel 100% at home there.

I've been away from Utah so long that my parents house doesn't feel like home either...its there house now, and when I'm there (which isn't often at all) I'm a guest now. Though I grew up there, it no longer feels like home to me anymore...I've grown up to much and lived away from there too long. That's normal and part of life but just one more place that's not home.

And then there's Phil's house...Phil's home...not our home...Phil's home. I don't live there yet. When I'm there, I'm a guest. I'm surrounded by stuff that isn't mine. Surrounded by rooms I'm not really familiar with yet. I can't hardly even get the tv going without assistance. Every move I make I feel like I'm intruding or wondering if I'm doing something wrong. And its all the more awful because the one person in the whole world who's opinion of me really truly matters is Phil's. I hate feeling stupid in front of him. I hate when he sees my faults and my insecurities and my mistakes. And standing in his kitchen that night, feeling stupid about rice all I wanted to do was run away and hide somewhere safe...and I realized no such place exsists for me. I went downstairs, locked myself in the bathroom and just started crying. It seems like my whole life is trying to be perfect for people and I'm so terribly bad at it. And there's no where to hide and just be imperfect, clutsy, stupid me where no one else can see.

Phil of course noticed my absense and came down to find me. I didn't know what to do or say. The whole emotional thing was stupid in and of itself, crying over rice. But it was so much more than rice and how could I explain that right. I came out of the bathroom and Phil was sitting on the couch. I crawled right up in to his arms, layed my head on his chest and trying to control the tears long enough to try to make him understand. I don't think I managed very well but he held me anyway.

Eventually I was fine and got dinner finished (though the dumb rice was beyond repair) but it didn't change the fact that I still feel very much homeless. In fact, the only place I do feel safe and like I belong is in Phil's arms and despite my hearts true desire, I can't spend my whole life there.

I hope someday soon Phil's house will become my house and that someday after that, I'll begin to really feel like its my home too. Homeless till then...

And now...back to me

As my relationship with Phil began, developed, and eventually lead to our marriage, this blog went from being just me and my random thoughts to being all about us and the wonderfulness that is having Phil in my life.

Now that we're married, I decided to make us a brand new blog for our relationship and our family. You can visit it here:

http://macdonald123.blogspot.com/

When I originally started this Nanny Poppins blog, it was just for me and my thoughts and I've decided its time to go back to that. I find it very theraputic to get my thoughts out into the world, even if no one is reading it, its just nice to put them out there...sometimes it helps get them out of my head or helps me deal with them or face them or share them when they're wonderful. Whatever the case may be, I liked having that space that was just for me, where I could be a little whiny or self absorbed or go on and on about some silly thought that I don't want to bore a real breathing person with....so that's what this will be again...

And now...back to me!

Angel Anniversary

Its been 15 years today since my little Adam left us to return to our Heavenly Father following injuries he sustained in a car accident.

Just a few days ago, it was the one year mark of when my dear friend Joanne lost her battle to cancer and also returned to her loving Heavenly Father.

Two beautiful angels, whose presense in my life I am so very grateful for. Love and prayers to both our families and smiles up to our angels in heaven.

Choosing To Be Happy

In general, I'd like to think that I strive to be a happy and positive person. Many times however I fail miserably and lately that has really been the case. Quite frankly, I'm surprised at this point that I still have my wonderful fiance because I'd have probably left myself by now!

Since Phil and I decided to get married, I've really allowed the stress and drama of planning the wedding overshadow the joy and excitement of marrying my sweetheart. Yes wedding planning is stressful but I've really become aware of just how much I've allowed the stress to overwhelm me when if I would simply choose to be happy and make the efforts involved in that choice, then the stress wouldn't affect me the way it has been.

The wedding is almost 2 weeks away and I want more than anything to enjoy this special time in my life. I'm sorry to my sweet mother, my wonderful friends and especially my sweet and wonderful husband-to-be for all the upset tears and complaints they've had to hear and witness over the last couple of months. I love you all and the fact that you've listened, counseled, supported and most importantly, stayed by my side is reason enough right there to be absolutely filled with joy!

Tonight, when faced with more negativity that I was not handling well, I knelt down and had a long talk with my Heavenly Father about the person I've let myself be lately and the person I want to be instead. After the prayer I started to really think about what actions make for a happier life. I started jotting them down and thought I'd like to reflect a bit on them here...

The way I see it, the key to being happy is to be as Christ-like as possible. The happiest people in this world I know are also the most Christ-like people I know. These wonderful individuals live righteous lives, go out of their way to support and serve others, they're always positive to those around them, lifting other up and never tearing others down. If I want to be a happier person I need to send more happiness out into the world. Give more compliments than criticisms, share more of the good things than the bad things with others, thank my Heavenly Father for my many MANY blessings rather than always focusing on the bad things I want fixed.

If I strive each day to be more Christ-like and to live my life in a way and treat others in a way that will please Him, then no matter what anyone else in my life says or does, I'll be able to keep smiling and know that I'm doing my very best and that I'm being the very best version of me I can be.

Tonight this is my wish and my prayer
XOXOXOXOX

Temple Weekend & Proposal: Take 2

Last weekend was wonderful! I got to go to Canada for Phil's endowment at the Toronto Temple. Since my own endowment almost 2 years ago, I've waited and hoped and wished and prayed for the day I'd be in the temple with my eternal sweetheart and finally being there with him was spiritually and emotionally overwhelming in a wonderful way. I don't think I've ever felt the sort of joy and peace that I felt sitting with Phil in the Celestial Room. It was truly marvelous and I can't wait to be back there with him in 3 weeks being sealed for time and all eternity!

Before the session, Phil and I took a walk around the temple grounds with Rebecca (one of the wonderful sister missionaries who taught Phil the gospel) and Alishea. We took pictures.....





Phil and I stopped to dance.....no one else could hear the music, but I assure you it was there hehe




And then, as I sat down on the edge of one of the fountains after a few more pictures, Phil announced that he had something he needed to do...for the second time he got down on one knee and this time when he reached in his pocket he pulled out a small red velvet box with my REAL ring inside! Yay! No tears this time (well, mostly anyway!) but big BIG smiles as Phil proposed to me a second time. I of course accepted again!








And now the wedding is less than 3 weeks away! The invitations have been sent out (mostly! LOL) and my life (and my mom's) are in full on wedding planning crazy mode. Work is NOT making this process an easy one. I really need summer to end and for my nanny kids to get their little behinds back in school to give me a bit of planning time each day that doesn't take place at midnight! But crazy as it all is, things are starting to fall into place. I'm stressed to breaking point, but in 3 weeks it will be over. That is both good and sad all at the same time. I'm so anxious for the day to be here and to finally be Mrs. MacDonald and to know that Phil is mine for eternity. But at the same time, it will be sad when that special day is over...but the good news is we have a whole wonderful life in mortality and then a wonderful eternity together so I guess the wedding day is just the first beautiful step on a much MUCH better journey to come! The next time I go to Canada we're getting MARRIED! Its kind of crazy to wrap my head around! Now I just need to deal with crossing the border! Anyone out there reading this...say a prayer for me, my biggest fear at this point is being denied access into the country 2 days before the wedding! YIKES!!!!!!

To everyone travelling to share this special day with us, your efforts are very VERY appreciated! We love you all! Can't wait to see you...just 3 weeks away!!!!

Lots of love!
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
The Soon To Be Mrs. MacDonald!!!!!

Surprisingly Surprised!!!!

Phil and I decided very early on that we planned to marry each other someday. We just knew it would happen. It may sound stupid or like some made believe fairytale, but from the very beginning we sensed something about each other and knew in our hearts that we'd found "the one". Plenty of friends and family members probably thought we were nuts...but this is the really fun part where we get to say "told ya so!" LOL (Okay maybe not....but still...nice to be right for a change! haha)

Anyway, back to the story... Phil and I knew we'd get married someday and finally the day came that we decided it was time. We quietly began the wedding plans, setting a date, location, etc. and telling only our closest family and friends. We didn't want to go "public" with our engagement until it was official. I wanted a real proposal and Phil wanted the ring on my finger. So we arranged to get the ring.

However, my ring was being shipped from Utah and was unexpectedly held up at customs, and just hours before I hopped on the bus to Canada we found out it wouldn't make it until after I was back in CT :( I was very very bummed.

Given that there would be no ring to propose with, I figured I wouldn't get my real proposal for a few more weeks and that we'd have to just go ahead and go public without a ring and without a fun story to tell people. Phil picked me up at the bus terminal as usual early on Saturday morning. Usually we just head straight back to his house, but this time he took me to a park. It was only about 7:30 in the morning so there really wasn't anyone there and the park was beautiful. We started walking around and I was very curious as to why he'd made the detour. I wondered if he had planned the proposal and decided to go ahead with it, even without the ring. We walked around the park, took pictures, kissed...then we got back in his truck and left...no proposal.



We ended up grabbing breakfast and stopping at a second park...once again, no proposal.



At this point all thought of a proposal that weekend left my mind. Of course, Phil is a guy, and as part of his guy DNA he isn't going to go to the effort to do some grand romantic thing if he doesn't have to right? The ring wasn't there so why on earth would he propose? I resigned myself to the fact that it wouldn't be for a few more weeks and to just enjoy the weekend together without being on edge wondering for the millionth time if "this is it!" or not.

We picked up his girls and took the 3 hour drive out to Phil's mom's trailer. The camp area where the trailer is was so beautiful and their spot was right on a gorgeous lake. When we first arrived, Phil and I walked down to the little wooden dock to look out at the water. We took some pictures and sat in chairs holding hands and just relaxing. It was so nice. Then we spent some time with his mom and took a nap before dinner. After a nice dinner and birthday dessert for Phil's daughter and brother who had both had birthdays that week, Phil's mom took the kids to one of the camp site activities.



After cleaning up a bit I walked down to the dock again with my camera to take some sunset sky pictures. Phil put the cake away and then walked down to join me. He asked me for the camera and I gave it to him. He told me to stand near the edge of the dock and he took my picture. Then he fiddled with it for a few mintues and set it up on a small table to take a timed picture of the two of us together....or so I thought.

After hitting the button on the camera Phil rushed over to me but instead of standing next to me and posing for the photo he wrapped his arms around me and started kissing me. "Aww" I thought, "a kissing picture, how romantic!" But after a few more seconds, I realized I hadn't heard the "click" of the camera indicating that the picture had been taken. I was about to look over at the camera and say something about it when at that exact moment Phil pulled back from me a bit, looked me in the eyes and went down on one knee! It all clicked into realization at once...this WAS it! Phil was proposing! And the camera hadn't "clicked" because he wasn't setting it up to take a photo, he'd set it up to take a video of our proposal so we'd always have it to remember the moment that he knew meant the world to me! My baby is so romantic!



I immediately started crying before he'd even said a word. He then said the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me and asked for the priviledge of being my husband. He then reached in his back pocket and for just a tiny moment I thought maybe my ring had arrived afterall...but then the next moment I was laughing and of course still crying tears of extreme joy, as he slipped a tiny pink hair elastic onto my ring finger.



There was no diamond ring but it was definitely the most wonderful moment of my life! The ring would come later...but this man would be mine forever! He loves me! And now, we were officially engaged! Through the laughter and the tears and the overwhelming emotion I couldn't even get a word out. Phil finally said "Is that a yes?" and through more laughter I nodded, somehow got out the word "yes" and then he was holding me again and kissing me again and I was happier than I've ever been. And the whole thing was all the more impressive because he actually surprised me! I wanted to be surprised and I thought since we'd already made the decision and started planning that there was no way he'd be able to surprise me with a proposal. He did it! My future husband is amazing! :)

Just moments later, Phil's mom came rushing down to the dock, bummed out that she'd missed seeing him on his knee! Haha We reenacted the moment for her and had her take a few pictures for us.



After that, Phil took me out on a romantic little boat ride around the lake.





What a perfect proposal! Phil, I love you soooooo much! Thank you for making all my dreams come true! You are my soul mate in every way, I love you darling! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

As of right now, our wedding is just ONE MONTH AWAY! It's so crazy to think that in just one month I'll be Mrs. MacDonald! It is coming so soon but still it feels it just can't come fast enough! I can't wait!

Summer Update!

Wow, it has been one crazy summer so far! After my sweetheart came to visit me for my birthday in NYC in June, my employers whisked me away to Bald Head Island in North Carolina for a two week "vacation" where I would work for them pretty much the whole time...but in all fairness, when I say work, what I really mean is sit by the pool or lay on the beach for 2 weeks straight so it was pretty awesome. The island was amazing! I climbed to the top of the lighthouse, played in the waves, relaxed in the hammock, read some good books, ate some great sea food and drove around for 2 weeks in a golf cart!

After we got back (and pretty much right after I finished unpacking all 5 of us in the house!) I repacked my bags, rented a car and drove up to Palmyra NY to spend the weekend with my wonderful Phil and his wonderful daughter, Abrianna! We went camping (if you can call sleeping on a mattress in the back of the truck camping Haha) and visited the sites in Palmyra. We went to the Grandin printing press where the Book of Mormon was first published and attending the Hill Cumorah Pageant (amazing!) on Saturday. On Sunday we visited the Palmyra Temple grounds, the Joseph Smith Farm, the Hill Cumorah Visitors Center and climbed the Hill Cumorah up to the top (not that far but in wicked heat and humidity it was a bit challenging!) We also spent some very special moments in the Sacred Grove where we read the story of Joseph Smith's first vision from the scriptures. Such a special day! Leaving of course was horrible, awful, no good, very bad as usual. I'm never able to leave Phil or watch Phil leave me without crying...I guess that's probably a good thing right? At least it means I love him with all my heart and soul! :)

Since returning from my 2 fun filled vacations, I've been working working working like crazy. Kids home from school, 12-14 hour work days....I am one tired nanny! Only one month of summer left though....there is light at the end of the Nanny Summer Tunnel!

Next weekend I'll be back up to Canada for another visit and can't wait! I miss Phil sooooo much when we're apart, but finally being back in each other's arms is the absolute best! See you next week my love XOXOXOX

PS - For those of you who follow my blog, check out what I found at the grocery store in Connecticut this week....apparently someone watched my videos! Can't stop laughing! Hahahaha

Best Birthday Ever!!!

This past weekend was my 28th birthday and I feel its definitely safe to say it was my very best birthday ever! That is because I had the wonderful priviledge of spending it with the love of my life!

Phil drove down from Canada late Thursday night. On Friday we spent the day with the kids I nanny, playing Rock Band, going to the park and playing in the pool. We also got to visit a local farm to go strawberry picking which was a lot of fun! I'm pretty sure the kids like him way more than they like me! Haha




Friday evening we spent some time hanging out around town then ordered in some Chinese and cuddled up watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

(Little side note...I've now completely converted Phil to being a Potterhead! LOVE IT! He says that my dorkiness is one of the reasons he fell in love with me....good thing! I love that he lets me be a dork and joins me in all my random dorkiness! He's so perfect for me!)

At 12:00 am Saturday morning an alarm went off on Phil's phone to remind him to be the first to wish me Happy Birthday! This was sweet and significant because last year we'd only known each other for a few weeks, but on my 27th birthday, when we couldn't be together, Phil called me at 12:01 and sang Happy Birthday to me. It meant so much to me. Previously on my 26th birthday, the guy I was dating at the time didn't do anything for my birthday but send a text at around 4 in the afternoon and we'd been together for several months. Here I'd only known Phil a couple weeks and he sent me a wonderful gift and made sure he wished me happy birthday as soon as it arrived. I've told him since how much that meant to me. It was one of those early signs that told me this guy was for real. That he was really that interested in me and really that sweet and wonderful. Over the past year he's definitely proved that many times over, but my birthday last year was that first really big signal to me that I'd found an amazing guy! It was so great being with him this year and knowing that a year previously we were brand new and had no idea when we'd finally be together, but I remember at the time hoping that by my next birthday he would be there and I'm so grateful he was!

Our plan was to get up really early the next day and head into the city...that didn't exactly happen as sleep is way too awesome! We did get into the city by about 10 so that was pretty good.



I took Phil to my favorite bagel place for breakfast then we headed down to Battery Park to catch the ferry over to Liberty Island. The wait was over an hour but with Phil there to share the line with it didn't bother me at all.



We spent the afternoon learning all about Lady Liberty and taking pictures there. Then we headed over to Ellis Island which was really interesting for several reasons. 1) Phil is very interested in geneology and has even gotten me more interested in it as well 2) As Phil and I are becoming more serious the concept of immigration has been on our minds. Eventually one of us will be hopping the border...I'm glad when that time comes, no matter how much of a pain it is, it won't be as bad as what those poor immigrants had to face!!!




After that we headed back over to Manhattan (with very red, sun-burned faces!) and went uptown. I took Phil to Serendipity for birthday dessert and showed him Dylan's Candy Bar (one of my fav NYC stores! Its like a mini Willie Wonka factory in there!)




Then we headed into Central Park where Phil made my birthday wish come true and took me on my very first romantic carriage ride! It was so great after a fun and exhausting day of walking and sun to just sit back with my head on the shoulder of my dream guy and enjoying the beauty of Central Park. Could not ask for a better birthday gift than that!




When our carriage ride ended we walked through the park to the west side so I could show Phil the temple. I can't wait till we can go inside the temple together, especially the Manhattan Temple which is so special to me.




To finish off the night we headed to Times Square where I finally got my WWII Sailor/Nurse kiss reenactment picture! I swear every nanny I know out here has one of these pics but I've never gotten one. Phil really does make all my dreams come true! He makes me so very happy!




After that we hit the movie theater to see Prince of Persia (not a bad movie!)
then we faced the hour long train ride home very very sleepy (I in fact did fall asleep! LOL)

On Sunday we went to church and then spent the evening with my employers who had a big Father's Day cook out. Then came rotten Monday and Phil had to head back to Canada :( I always hate saying goodbye so much but I'm so very happy for the time we got to spend together. I love you sweetheart!!! Thanks for making my birthday so wonderful! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX