Elf Yourself 2009

Just plain makes me laugh :) Always a good thing!

Smiling (x2)

It hasn't been an easy couple of weeks. Just when I think I've reached my limit of what I can handle, Heavenly Father decides to show me I'm stronger than I think and gives me trials to prove it. Admittedly I haven't been handling my latest trial well....at least, I know I could be handling it better. Satan truly knows just where to get me and he's certainly working hard on that.

But tonight, when my heart was full of fear and doubt, I received 2 pieces of information that made my heart feel lighter, brought peace to my soul and made me genuinely smile (and get rather teary too!)

Smile #1 is for my brother James:

James was adopted by my dad during his first marriage. After his divorce, James and my dad found my mom and thus I arrived on the scene.

Growing up, I absolutely adored my big brother. Even after our dad died and he moved to California to be with his mom, we still managed to stay close and as we've grown up, that love and bond has only gotten better. I've never seen him as a half brother or an outsider who was adopted into our family. He's always just been my brother, James. I love him with all my heart!

After a lifetime of wondering and months of searching, tonight, James finally found and talked with his birth mother... After talking to James tonight, hearing about this wonderful woman who gave him life and then gave him to us, my heart was so full of warm fuzzies I felt like the Grinch! I swear my grumpy, depressed heart grew 3 sizes just like in the cartoon! It was so nice to really genuinely smile and feel grateful and blessed. I'm soooooo amazingly grateful to this lovely lady for being brave enough at a young age to have James and then to give him up so that I could grow up with the world's very best big brother. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!!!

Smile #2 is for my Sweetheart, Phil

It hasn't been an easy road thus far for Phil and I. Our budding relationship has been hit with so many barricades I feel like I'm in the middle of a never-ending construction zone (you know the ones I mean...those roads that are always blocked off, though you never see the guys working and years later you're still getting stuck on them wondering what on Earth could possibly be taking them this long to repair!)

But though the road has been frustratingly long and bumpy, and though right now it feels like we'll never reach the ending destination where we finally get to be together, the truth is we are getting closer each day and one day, hopefully sooner than later, we will get the blessings out of the trials we're facing now.

Phil is already one of the greatest blessings of my life. I am thankful every single day that Heavenly Father lead us to each other.

Tonight, missing him very much during this time apart, I had a strange desire to Google him and see if anything came up. What I found made that already 3 sizes bigger heart of mine grow 3 MORE sizes with gratitude for the wonderful man that has come into my life and filled my eyes with tears. Its a simple thing, but it demonstrates clearly the generous, kind and loving heart that has captured my own.

Phil did some volunteer work this month with an organization that gives gifts to children who would otherwise have no Christmas. There was a story about it posted and I'll copy the link into this blog below the picture. I've already been feeling that I need to reach out this Christmas season and do service for others to help keep me from becoming to absorbed in my own troubles and woes. Phil's example makes me even more excited to find those opportunities and get going! Thank you, Phil, for being such an amazing man and for loving me...I love you! XOXOXOXOX

http://www.thestar.com/santaclausfund/article/732894

A Long Wait Gets Even Longer....

So have you ever had a situation where you've been waiting waiting waiting for something and counting down the time and when you're right on the edge, about to finally have the thing or event you've been waiting for it get rips out from under you and you find out you have to start the wait all over again?

Well that's me this week....and it sucks.

What sucks the most is there is literally NOTHING I can do about it, so I'm having to just find a way to accept it.

In an effort to do that and make the next long wait less painful I'm looking around for things to bring more joy to my life. My first plug is my new obsession: FREECYCLE.ORG!!!

Have you ever used it? Heard of it before now? Well if not then you totally should! Its a website where you can post things you don't need for other to get from you for free in your area. Its an effort to keep perfectly good items you don't need out of landfills (Go Green!)

Unfortunately after my moving purge of June I don't have much to contribute to the site (wish I'd known of it back then!) but I am benefitting tremendously from it! In the last 2 weeks I've inherited a crock pot, a set of dishes, a bathroom scale, a desk and chair (which I'm currently sitting at...though I do need to sand it down and repaint it!), a coffee table and a wingback chair! This weekend I bought some pretty throw pillows and a blanket to go with the new furniture and transformed my little apt's living room into a very cozy feeling "home". Next up I'm hoping to get a centerpiece and possibly a rug. Also on freecycle I'm seeking out a dining room table and chairs and either a treadmill or an exercise bike to help me lose some stinking weight this winter. That is the one silver lining of continued waiting....I have more time to get in better shape!

I'm feeling the need to be a little homemaker and hostess lately. My newfound joy of cooking has me ending up with WAY too much food on hand and that doesn't help that whole "losing weight" plan at all. So recently I've made the decision to start inviting people over more often and doing a bit of entertaining (haha)! Last night my friend Caskey came over for dinner and it was really nice. Last weekend I had my friend Holly over and also had a great time. As I improve my little apt space and make it more homey I think I'll really enjoy doing this on a regular basis. I need to be more sociable and not just lock myself away all the time. I really do enjoy cooking...some of my latest efforts: Mint Creamcheese Brownies, Chicken Pot Pie, Hot Cocoa Crockpot Cake, and Beef Stroganoff (with made from scratch mashed potatoes...I know, not at ALL impressive except that I've never done it before LOL) Here's a couple pics...

I'm a social enough person, but I find that when I get very focused in on something I tend to put all my energy into that and its easy to get really wrapped up in myself. I need to focus more on enjoying those around me and the situation I'm in and trusting that all the things I'm hoping and praying for with come to me in their appropriate time.

I went to the temple on Saturday which was nice and I'm also trying to get involved in geneology work. Its a very overwhelming task but I'm looking forward to learning more as I move along. At least the internet and technology of New Family Search make it very easy to get started!

In an effort to think more of others I've also decided to start seeking out more service and missionary opportunities. I won't be spending Christmas the way I'd hoped to so I've decided that during the holidays I want to try to do a lot of service for others to enjoy the season and bring joy to others rather than wallowing. We'll see how that goes...haha

Also in trying to be festive I got myself a new little tree this weekend to put in my bedroom window. I love it!

Anyway...that's my update for now! Hope everyone else is having more luck with their hopes and dreams than I've had this week. Say some extra special prayers for me right now please, I could sure use them!

XOXOXOXOX

Lots of Love

Busy Weekend

It was a very busy weekend and started out on Friday morning. My boss decided to let the kids have a Halloween slumber party. Originally I had suggested it in place of the much larger Halloween party she'd promised them and then decided it would be too much work. My thinking was let them each invite one friend to sleep over (the sleep over part would make up for the fact that it wouldn't be a "real" party), they could dress up in costumes, rent a fun Halloween movie and order pizza...Nice...Easy....Simple....

Until my boss got involved....she turned my nice, easy, simple slumber party into a massive amount of work but letting each child invite 3 friends each and insisting that we still do party games, goodie bags, themed food and decorations. Um....wasn't the idea to NOT have to do all the party crap?????

Well, I guess it doesn't matter much to her since I'M the one doing all the work. So I spent a lot of time in the week before planning games, shopping for goodie bags, prizes and decorations.

Starting the moment the kids were off to school Friday morning I started frantically pulling all the sprawling party pieces together. Putting bags together, labeling them all, labeling glasses for the party (heaven forbid the plastic skeleton goblets get mixed up with the massive swine flu epidemic terrifying all of CT!), and cooking every disgusting thing you could imagine for the ever popular Halloween "Guess what this really is" game (oh come on....you remember....peeled grapes as eyeballs, cooked spaghetti as worms....etc etc).

Decorating, picking up guests that needed rides, running last minute "we absolutely have to have just one more thing....just a few more of those....just a couple more movie choices...." errands, and then finally the party began.

I tossed on my Bumblebee costume (which I informed the kids made me a Tickle Bee...no stinging from this girl...tickle attacks only!) and helped attempt to keep the massive histeria under control.

The kids all had a good time running wild and eventually sitting for food and games while the adults drank and socialized...except for me. I was still on the clock of course. So I ran around cleaning up one mess while setting up the next and keeping the kids from spilling electric green punch on the white furniture or attacking each other with the various weapons that accompanied their costumes (a devils pitch fork, an Indiana Jones whip, a ninja's roundhouse kick and a few lightsabers in the hands of sugar-crazed little kids...oh the joy!)

When bedtime finally drew near we dealt with the inevitable throng of kids who had melt downs and pleaded with us to be returned home to their parents rather than staying overnight. Several actually did go home that night. By the time those parents had come and gone it was well after 10 pm. Finally we started getting the kids to bed....and once they were settled I turned to the disaster in the kitchen. Yes, I probably could have left it till morning, but since they'd be feeding 6 kids breakfast there I knew it would only get worse. My wings drooping I stood in front of the sink for another hour washing dishes and wiping counter tops. Finally at nearly midnight I blew out the last of the candles and escaped to my bed, my feet about to fall off.

Thankfully my boss did a lot of the breakfast clean up before I'd even gotten out there Saturday morning. So Saturday wasn't too bad. I stayed in bed all morning, did a little shopping in the afternoon (got a great Christmas present for my sweetie...hoping I'll get the chance to give it to him in person *sigh*) and then spent the evening hanging out with one of the families I used to nanny for.

Sunday was Stake Conference but since the church they were holding it at is really far away and I already felt completely drained from the Halloween slumber party fiasco (and coming down with a cold on top of it all!) I decided to allow myself to sleep in and then spent the day listening to conference sessions I'd missed a few weeks ago and watching a few gospel videos. I took a walk while listening to the Priesthood session on my ipod and enjoyed the gorgeous fall weather. Then when I got back I decided to do some baking. I made my first attempt at Cinnamon Raisin Bread :)

I need to roll the dough thinner to make it more swirly and I need to use more raisins and cinnamon inside, but all and all it was pretty darn good for a first try and tastes really yummy!

Sunday evening I started feeling really sick to my stomach and spent most of the evening in bed not wanting to move for fear I'd get REALLY sick! This morning my boss informed me that she and her husband both were sick last night as well. The kids got the flu mist vaccines last Thursday and we're thinking that we may have caught a mild flu from the vaccine....weird but I guess it makes sense that the vaccine would bring the active flu into the house.

Stomach is alright today but I'm feeling tired and achy all over. Hopefully it'll all pass quick.

Hope everyone else has a lovely Monday :)

XOXOXOXOX

Fourteen Years

Adam Joseph Willis

January 9, 1987 - October 19, 1995

I love you Spuddy, still miss you every single day

XOXOXOXOX

Angels

Fourteen years ago this evening there was a knock on my door. It was a lady in our neighborhood named Joanne, she was holding my dog and informed me that my mom and little brother, Adam, had just been in a car accident. My mom had given our dog to her and asked her to bring her home and tell me the news.

The next morning our little Adam left us, but in the months after the accident, Joanne became our very close friend. She and my mom bonded and she invited us into her family with open arms. We got to spend family reunions with them, Christmas parties, Friday night dinners out with her and her son. I spent several Thanksgivings with Joanne and her family in Park City, UT and they were without a doubt some of the very best Thanksgiving memories of my life. She taught me how to play Settlers, which has now become a family obsession and she taught me how to solve a Rubiks cube.

For almost as long as we knew her, Joanne battled cancer and yesterday it was time for her to be at peace and stop fighting.

Joanne entered my life in the moment Adam left it; now along with Adam I know we have another Guardian Angel watching over us.

We love you Joanne, thank you so much for letting us be a part of your life and for brightening ours during such a dark time and in the many years since.

XOXOXOXOX

Bagels: Perhaps third time will be the charm???

I absolutely LOVE bagels! I was going through my cookbook that was given to me by my lovely sister-in-law, Martha Jane, and I found a recipe in there from her for making bagels. Now baking has never been a friend of mine. I remember in high school trying to make breadsticks that came out hard as rocks. I'm sure yeast was the culprit...I just can't manage to use that stuff correctly! Anyway, it made me nervous to attempt any baking project but I decided to be brave.

I started my baking adventure with homemade choc chip cookies also using one of MJ's recipes...they turned out DELICIOUS and gave me confidenct...but as making cookies is the most basic of baking accomplishments I didn't even bother to take a picture haha

So after my cookie success I started making the bagel dough. Warm water....yeast in....okay...looking right (I think)...smelling right (again..I think)....

When the dough was done it looked good to me...now the test....to let it rise!

So I waited for a bit (recipe said just 20 mins) but didn't see any difference. Rats! Let it go a bit longer...Okay, maybe a little different. Decided to give up and keep going. When all was said and done I had bagels that came out of the oven looking like this:
White and weird looking...UGH! I tried them to see how they taste and though it didn't taste bad it didn't taste good either...it didn't really taste like much of anything. *sigh*

I did have a little dough leftover but by this time it was after midnight so I stuck that dough in a container in the fridge not sure if I could try to make something edible with it the next day.

Well now its the next day. I pulled out the dough a few hours ago and it had actually risen really well! YAY! So at least I got the yeast part right. I formed bagels and let them rise some more. They did and looked better than yesterday so I felt encouraged. I cooked them as directed only this time I also brushed them with egg whites to help them brown nice and pretty and sprinkled a little salt, pepper, garlic and parmesan on them to hopefully give it some flavor this time around. Wasn't much I could do about the shape of them....bagel makers must be masters cause I can't figure out how to make them look nice and properly round!

Into the oven.....wait wait wait.....and.....

Ta da! Okay so still don't look great but at least this time they look cooked! Already a vast improvement! See the difference? Lets make a closer comparison....

Yes indeed....MUCH better! Now to taste...I cut the bagel open and made a tuna salad sandwich. I'm eatting it right now as I type this blog entry. It tastes alright. Nothing monumental unfortunately but definitely better than last nights batch.

But still I think my bagel making has a long way to go before I'd let anyone else have one. Anyone out there make bagels (Martha help me!) that have some tips for me? How do I get them shaped right? The ones I've made don't seem to puff up when baked like I would think they should, any idea what I'm doing wrong?

Thanks!