Loving Church

So even though I've been very spiritually minded the last few months and in a pretty good place with regard to my testimony, I've had a really tough time liking church. Truth be told I haven't liked it much for over a year. Why?





A: I'm in a dreaded:

B: That singles ward is not so much a singles ward as it is a ward full of 18-20 year old girls and only a handful of guys.

Now, I don't want to knock the younger girls...some are absolutely wonderful, but the simple fact that I'm now in my late twenties and still "single" (ugh...its like a Mormon 4 letter word at my age!) just makes being in such a ward rather unbearable at times.

Its just not easy to relate to the younger girls anymore, they don't have the life experience yet. Also its very frustrating watching those barely legal girls get engaged while I sit here rotting away like a spinster.

Needless to say, I've had a bad attitude about my ward for awhile. I've even thought seriously about starting to attend a family ward instead.

Today however I really really enjoyed church! The sacrament talks were excellent, I taught Sunday school which seemed to go relatively well, and even Relief Society, which admittedly has become my least favorite hour of church, was absolutely wonderful today. I felt the Spirit a lot and had some great thoughts and insight about myself and my life and some of the decisions I'm facing right now.

Overall it was just a really great Sunday and I'm very glad...maybe there's hope for me in the "nanny" ward afterall!

2008 Review

January is more than half way through, but I decided to do a little review of the past year in my life. It was easily one, if not the most challenging year of my life so far and I have been both thrilled to see it finally end and grateful for all that I learned and for all the growth it brought to my life.

In 2008 I.....

1) Suffered my first true broken heart and after a year of struggling am finally beginning to mend it. My relationship with John was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to go through and it really made me see in myself how naieve I was about love. It was painful but taught me so much about myself and helped me see what I'm really looking for in my life and the kind of person I need to be with. It took an entire year, but I've finally made peace within myself that I was never meant to be with him and that finding the strength to let him go was a great blessing.

2) Worked and worked and worked. My job this year was very challenging. Lack of vacation time, a very stressful summer, and my damaged heart made for a difficult year on the job but I'm so grateful for the family I work for, for their patience with me during my hard year and the love my two little kiddos show me every day. Its chaotic, its messy, its crazy and busy but I do still love my job and still love working with kids. Its also taught me so much about what kind of mom and wife I want to be and how I want to take care of my own home and family, hopefully someday soon!

3) Found peace with myself and My Savior


I'm not perfect and in this life I won't be....but its okay, Heavenly Father knew we couldn't be and he provided the way through our dear Savior. He takes what I can give and makes up the rest. What a miraculous thing the Atonement is. I felt for years that all I could do was never enough and while that is true, I never allowed myself to really understand The Saviors willingness to take the rest of the burden. It somehow felt wrong to me to put that onto Him....I had to find the way to be perfect on my own or I'd never be okay. But that is His purpose, and I have to allow Him into my life to be MY Savior. I truly found that peace this year as I found myself lost in very dark places. The only way out of the darkness was through Him and I'm so grateful for that. It is still a process, but slowly I'm allowing Him to change me, to strengthen me and to light my way back to our Heavenly Father.

4) I received my temple endowment

The highlight of my year and truly one of the highlights of my entire life took place on December 6, 2008 when escorted by my mom and accompanied by my best friend I received my endowment at the Manhattan Temple! It was the most amazing, spiritual experience I've ever had and I know that had it not happened at the end of such a difficult year I never could have fully appreciated that joy and peace I felt in my heart that day.

2008 was a very long and difficult journey...I'm glad its over and look forward to the future

Winter Winter Go Away

So, I'm really done with winter. Christmas is over and now its just plain cold and gray and wet and blah. After the holidays there is nothing magical about the snowy cold of winter. I am now ready for Spring...and it will be awhile to wait. *sigh*

On the happy side, this past weekend I attended the temple and got to do sealings for the very first time which was really a great experience. I have been going to the temple every week and I love it every time. Its the highlight of my week!

In a couple weeks I'll be taking a trip to Utah which I'm very excited for! I can't wait to see all my friends and to visit some of the temples in Utah and especially to see my family, including my new little nephew, Elijah! Yay!

Also, this week I'll be starting school again. I'm just taking one final class I need for my AS degree but it will be a tough one. Science, ugh! My brain just does NOT work well in that area! haha But hopefully as its my only class I'll be able to do well!

Other than that, my life is pretty much same old same old :)