Opposition in All Things!

Yesterday was one of those incredible turning point days where something you've waited for, put your whole focus and every effort into, FINALLY happens!

For the past 10 months I've been falling more in love with Phil every single day and he has been making my life so much happier and more fulfilled than ever before. But due to some circumstances beyond our control we haven't been able to be together and have been stuck letting our relationship grow long distance.

Yesterday we got one gigantic milestone step closer to finally being together! The holdup has been resolved and in one month I will be able to go to Canada to visit him! YAY! I am nervous and excited all wrapped into one. Its a funny thing having this strong a relationship from a distance...a lot of people who know us probably don't understand it at all, but it doesn't matter...we love each other and now we can finally start being together and feeling like a normal couple! I feel sooooo blessed!!!

This also means that I can start actively working on moving up to Toronto, because after 10 months of long distance I know that neither of us is going to want to stay long distance any longer than we have to. I've started to contact nanny agencies in Canada and hopefully will get the ball rolling to get a placement there and all the immigration stuff taken care of. Its going to be a complicated process I'm sure but I'm excited to finally be able to actively work towards what I want instead of having to sit patiently waiting, waiting and waiting some more for things out of my control.

So as you can imagine, yesterday morning I was on Cloud 9! I was so excited when I got the news that I was literally bouncing around my room and had a smile from ear to ear....During the last 10 months of waiting I feel like Heavenly Father has been really drilling home to me the value of patience. Now that a big portion of this specific lesson in patience has come to an end, I think He saw my euphoria as a perfect opportunity to teach me another lesson....OPPOSITION!

There needs be opposition in all things...This is something that I've really come to understand in the last few years particularly and really started to gain a better appreciation for. I suppose that because I know how the knowledge and understanding of the principle its time for me to really be tested on it.

After getting my good news, my laptop decided to have a heart attack (in the form of a completely crashed hard drive) and stop working! It really had me crashing back down to Earth. My computer houses my life...my pictures, my writing, my journals...it is the way I pass the time, the way I do great with my job, the way I'll be able to effectively work on moving to Canada and most importantly, my computer is the way that I talk to Phil! Because he is in Canada it costs a lot of money for us to call each other by phone so we've relied completely on Skype to talk to and (thanks to webcams) see each other. Without a computer we would have very little contact....YIKES!!!!

So I made a call to the Dell technical support center....they helped me zero. They wanted to charge me hundreds of dollars just to talk to me. So I packed up my square shaped life and took it to the hospital known as GEEK SQUAD! The black-tied surgeon gave it a good look over and tried some tricks but to no avail...the hard drive was damaged beyond repair and would most likely need to be replaced:

Full diagnostics: $70
Replacement hard drive: $70
Labor costs: $50 minimum
Software replacement: $30
More labor costs for software installation: $50
Attempt to recover lost information on hard driver: $200+++
Time required to fix laptop: 1 week

Price I paid for said laptop: $400

Amanda NOT happy! But but but...don't I have a warranty??? I purchased the laptop with a special credit card that would extend my warranty!

Warranty: MAY cover the problem, but will not know until after it is repaired. If not covered, it will still cost you. (Fabulous!) Oh and you'll pay out of pocket...the credit card company will then reimburse you (Hmm wonder how long that will take and how many hoops I'll have to jump through)

Time: To take advantage of the warranty you must send your computer away for 1-2 months (1-2 months with NO COMPUTER?????)

Amanda VERY NOT happy!!!

So the bottomline, I had 3 options:

1. Send computer away and live without one for 2 months (and basically without Phil too!) and HOPE that the costs to repair are covered and HOPE that the credit card company really does reimburse me!

2. Go ahead and pay upfront to have Geek Squad fix it on the spot and only be without a computer for a week, but still out almost the price I paid for the stupid thing and that's WITHOUT paying to try to save my files!

3. Accept the loss, spend a little more money and buy a whole new computer

None of these options made me happy...but in the end I opted for door #3 because I'd never liked the Dell computer anyone. In the year and half I've owned it, its given me nothing but grief and I've had to take it to Geek Squad on numerous occasions anyway. My wallet is not happy about the purchase as that money was intended to pay off another bill or perhaps finance a couple trips to Canada...but its life I guess isn't it :(

The good news is that I actually had a lot of my files saved onto discs. But sadly I've lost a lot of my pictures from the last few months that I never backed up, including most of my Florida vacation pictures :( I'm so sad about that.

All in all...in was one big fat emotional day! But I will happily concede that the joy far outweighed the grief!

I am soooo happy to finally know when I'll be able to go to Canada and so happy that Phil and I can finally truly start to pursue our relationship together!

May my stupid Dell RIP

An Awesome Week!

Its been one great week for me :)

1. My First REAL Valentine's Day!



Sad but true, I've never actually been in a relationship on Valentine's Day before. I once met a boyfriend 3 days after Valentine's Day...another time I was dumped the week BEFORE Valentine's Day...but I've never had a significant other ON Valentine's Day...until NOW!!!

Of course Phil was in Canada and I was here but that didn't stop him from making sure that he was the best first Valentine I could possibly have! He sent me some gorgeous flowers and we spent all the time we coud together on Valentine's Day thanks to the wonderful, life saving technology of Skype! Thanks baby for an awesome first Valentine's Day together! I can't wait for the next one when we'll actually BE together! Hahaha I love you!

2. Amanda, the baker!



So you know if you read my blog that I've been cooking a lot lately. Up till now its been mostly cooking and NOT baking (and he few baking projects I've tried have been terrible disasters!) but now I'm getting brave and giving baking a real try. I've had a few more disasters but the one thing that's gone great is CUPCAKES! I found an absolutely superb recipe for cupcakes and I'm obsessed! My first attempt came out beautiful and delicious (pic in my current slideshow!) but I wasn't thrilled with the frosting. It was fine but I wanted amazing. I set off (across the internet) in search of an excellent buttercream recipe and I found one with great reviews. It looked really intimidating but I decided to be brave Chef (or should I say PASTRY Chef) Amanda and give it a try. It turned out SPECTACULAR! The cupcakes, the buttercream, it was all soooo delicious I had to give 90% of them away to friends just to avoid eatting them all myself! YAY me!

3. Amanda, the college graduate!



Ten years after High School I've finally recieved my Associates Degree! Granted I still have 2 years to complete a bachelors but at least this is a solid step in the right direction! It was science and math that held me up these past 10 years and I'm SOOOO happy to be done with them!!!

4. My Sweetie turns 36!



Phil's birthday was Wednesday :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!! XOXOXOX

5. Amanda, bargain shopper!



I got a super sweet deal on boots this week...80% Off!!! Oh Yeah! :)


Hope everyone had as awesome a week as I did!
XOXOXOX

Writing!

Its been awhile since I posted anything...I think its a product of winter, it makes me feel run down and depressed and keeps me from really wanting to do anything.

But today as I've been sitting around my house sick all day, I came up with a new book idea that I'm really excited about! One of my many goals for this new year is to actually finish writing a whole book. I would love to be a writer. Its one of my all time dreams to be a published author and if I could make a living being a writer that would be marvelous. I have no idea if that dream is even possible. For all I know I have absolutely no talent for writing. But what I do know is that I have a good mind for coming up with stories. I've been doing it my whole life. Something will trigger my imagination and suddenly I'll be coming up with a whole story to go with the single thought I just had. Unfortunately when it comes to putting those stories that are so vivid in my mind down onto the page in a formal book format, that's where I get stuck. I think its a confidence issue mostly, I don't believe I'm good enough to do it. Another problem is just plain trying to make what I see in my head come out right on the page. Maybe I should be a screenwriter instead haha, so many of my stories play in my mind more like a movie than a book, but honestly that's what makes me love books so much. If I'm reading a book and I can clearly picture it in my mind, as though it was playing in front of me on a screen, THAT is what makes me love it. That is what makes reading a pleasure. So I guess that's how I want to write.

Anyway, I'm mostly just rambling now, a place to organize my thoughts and prepare to do the thing I've been scared of and avoiding for years....actually sitting down and writing a whole book!

I have so many ideas, and I think a lot of them are very good. But they're not fully formed in my mind and for some reason I have a hard time writing that way. I need to know the story in my head front to back before I begin really writing it. This is why I abandon books I'm writing and start new projects. I go from one brainstorm to another and as pieces fall into place in my mind I'm able to write a chapter here or there, but I've never been able to just stick to one book at a time and plow through and get one fully written. Not even to complete a first draft of anything.

I'm hoping that will now change. I came up with this idea tonight and I sat down and began to brainstorm. As I did, the ideas just came floading out of me and the story planted itself on the computer screen nearly fully formed. I could see it, hear the phrases in my mind, see each scene and I laid it all out in front of me, and for the first time ever, I now have a fully completed, beginning to ending outline for a book. A road map that I can follow chapter to chapter, knowing exactly what's coming and what needs to happen next. Roughly translated this also means I have no excuses to stop after the first chapter or two. I know what's coming...now I just have to sit down and start writing it.

One of my goals this year is to finish a whole book and to start working on getting it published....I think tonight I just found that book! Off to start writing it....

XOXOXO

2009 Review: Better Late Than Never!

Happy Be-lated New Year Everyone!!!

I'm very late in getting this post up but its already been a crazy 2010! Here is a quick review of my 2009! I found some of the most wonderful blessings this past year. Though it has certainly not been an easy one, it has been a great one! Here's to 2010 being even better!!!

***2009 REVIEW***

JANUARY:

- Nearly froze to death in the CT cold, but the frozen icicle trees were BEAUTIFUL!

FEBRUARY:

- Took a two week visit to Utah where I visited 7 different temples (including getting to attend St George with 2 very close family friends and attending Prove with my wonderful brother...our first time in the temple together!), saw a bunch of friends, drove clear to Las Vegas, met a good long distance friend in person, ate IN n Out burger (YUM!), enjoyed the awesome weather of Vegas and St George and met my adorable nephew Elijah for the first time! Awesome trip!

MARCH:

- Shared in my best friends joy as she welcomed her daughter, Kennedy, into the world and became a Mommy for the first time!

- Took a week long trip with my nanny family to Washington DC and visited the DC Temple!

APRIL:

- Spent an adventurous and tiring weekend (in record 90 degree weather....not fun after you've been to the temple!) in NYC with my friend Jason

- Got a personal trainer at the gym and discovered that I enjoy weight lifting

- Enjoyed the daffodils and other beautiful flowers of CT for what I THOUGHT would be the last time HAHA

MAY:

- FINALLY found the answer to many years of prayers and fell in love with my wonderful Phil!!! I LOVE YOU BABY!!! <3 <3 <3

- Took a weekend trip to San Francisco for a job interview (which didn't work out!) and crossed the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time!

- Made the decision to try and stay on the east coast until things fell into place for me to head further North

- Spent a fun weekend with my nanny family at Princeton

JUNE:

- Had a bad day and got the most beautiful red roses sent from the wonderful love of my life!

- Turned 27 and had a wonderful birthday thanks to my sweetheart, Phil, who gave me one of my hearts desires by sending me Burberry Rainboots and a card that made me cry with happiness and love! (yes...I AM a total sap! haha)

- Had a very generous visit from my Kata who helped me dismantle 4 1/2 years of life on the East Coast and ship it all back to Utah

- Tried salmon for the first time...still don't like it!

- Got stranded in Boston thanks to President Obama and his dang Air Force One!

- Moved back to Utah when no new jobs came my way

- Went to the Manti Pageant with my wonderful family!

- Did a session at the Manti Temple with my brother and sister-in-law!

- Climbed up to the "Y" in Provo and then hiked up Ensign Peak (I felt so proud of me!)

- Got a call from CT requesting my return!

JULY:

- Moved BACK to the east coast (with a LOT less stuff than I moved back to UT with!)

- Met Gerard Butler (What a HOTTIE!) thanks to my boss!

- Was nearly eatten alive by mosquitos!!! GROSS!!!

- Drove a convertible for the first time...I am in love!

AUGUST:

- Lived by the pool!

- Started to really enjoy learning to cook and trying new recipes!

SEPTEMBER:

- Took an awesome weekend trip with Caskey and Holly to Newport RI and went sailing for the first time...LOVED IT! I must visit again with Phil someday! Also ate amazing clam chowder!!! YUM!

OCTOBER:

- Marked 14 years since Adam died...Love you Spuddy!

- Said goodbye to a very close and dear friend after her long battle with cancer came to an end...we love and miss you everyday Joanne! XOXOX

- Helped plan and host a massive Halloween slumber party for work and dressed up as a bumble bee...I was adorable! haha

- Got a new little Christmas tree...what? October is NOT too soon! LOL

NOVEMBER:

- Received the rotten news that things were going to take even longer before Phil and I can be together and had to figure out how to come to terms with it and prepare to wait even longer...still waiting...

- Made a really REALLY tough decision that required Phil and I to stop talking for awhile and began facing the holiday season completely alone, praying all the while that I'd have Phil back in time for Christmas

- Spent Thanksgiving with my nanny family and actually enjoyed myself and helping my boss with the cooking!

DECEMBER:

- Usually my favorite time of year...December was one of the most difficult months of my life as I waited to be able to talk to Phil again and worried he wouldn't come back at all. I faced a lot of my inner fears and doubts and struggled with the magic of Christmas swirling around me when I felt so dark inside by myself...not a happy time. Next December had better be 1000 times better and I'd better spend the majority of it in Phil's arms!!!

- Got the very best Christmas gift when Phil called on Christmas Eve!!!

- Went to Florida for the first time ever with my nanny family and enjoyed spending the end of 2009 by the pool!


It was a VERY eventful 2009! Here's to 2010! Its bound to be full of big life changes and surprises and a bunch of new challenges...but with a little luck I'll finally end up exactly where I want and need to be (and that is in Canada with my wonderful sweetie!)

Love to you all!
XOXOXOXOX

Elf Yourself 2009

Just plain makes me laugh :) Always a good thing!

Smiling (x2)

It hasn't been an easy couple of weeks. Just when I think I've reached my limit of what I can handle, Heavenly Father decides to show me I'm stronger than I think and gives me trials to prove it. Admittedly I haven't been handling my latest trial well....at least, I know I could be handling it better. Satan truly knows just where to get me and he's certainly working hard on that.

But tonight, when my heart was full of fear and doubt, I received 2 pieces of information that made my heart feel lighter, brought peace to my soul and made me genuinely smile (and get rather teary too!)

Smile #1 is for my brother James:

James was adopted by my dad during his first marriage. After his divorce, James and my dad found my mom and thus I arrived on the scene.

Growing up, I absolutely adored my big brother. Even after our dad died and he moved to California to be with his mom, we still managed to stay close and as we've grown up, that love and bond has only gotten better. I've never seen him as a half brother or an outsider who was adopted into our family. He's always just been my brother, James. I love him with all my heart!

After a lifetime of wondering and months of searching, tonight, James finally found and talked with his birth mother... After talking to James tonight, hearing about this wonderful woman who gave him life and then gave him to us, my heart was so full of warm fuzzies I felt like the Grinch! I swear my grumpy, depressed heart grew 3 sizes just like in the cartoon! It was so nice to really genuinely smile and feel grateful and blessed. I'm soooooo amazingly grateful to this lovely lady for being brave enough at a young age to have James and then to give him up so that I could grow up with the world's very best big brother. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!!!!!

Smile #2 is for my Sweetheart, Phil

It hasn't been an easy road thus far for Phil and I. Our budding relationship has been hit with so many barricades I feel like I'm in the middle of a never-ending construction zone (you know the ones I mean...those roads that are always blocked off, though you never see the guys working and years later you're still getting stuck on them wondering what on Earth could possibly be taking them this long to repair!)

But though the road has been frustratingly long and bumpy, and though right now it feels like we'll never reach the ending destination where we finally get to be together, the truth is we are getting closer each day and one day, hopefully sooner than later, we will get the blessings out of the trials we're facing now.

Phil is already one of the greatest blessings of my life. I am thankful every single day that Heavenly Father lead us to each other.

Tonight, missing him very much during this time apart, I had a strange desire to Google him and see if anything came up. What I found made that already 3 sizes bigger heart of mine grow 3 MORE sizes with gratitude for the wonderful man that has come into my life and filled my eyes with tears. Its a simple thing, but it demonstrates clearly the generous, kind and loving heart that has captured my own.

Phil did some volunteer work this month with an organization that gives gifts to children who would otherwise have no Christmas. There was a story about it posted and I'll copy the link into this blog below the picture. I've already been feeling that I need to reach out this Christmas season and do service for others to help keep me from becoming to absorbed in my own troubles and woes. Phil's example makes me even more excited to find those opportunities and get going! Thank you, Phil, for being such an amazing man and for loving me...I love you! XOXOXOXOX

http://www.thestar.com/santaclausfund/article/732894

A Long Wait Gets Even Longer....

So have you ever had a situation where you've been waiting waiting waiting for something and counting down the time and when you're right on the edge, about to finally have the thing or event you've been waiting for it get rips out from under you and you find out you have to start the wait all over again?

Well that's me this week....and it sucks.

What sucks the most is there is literally NOTHING I can do about it, so I'm having to just find a way to accept it.

In an effort to do that and make the next long wait less painful I'm looking around for things to bring more joy to my life. My first plug is my new obsession: FREECYCLE.ORG!!!

Have you ever used it? Heard of it before now? Well if not then you totally should! Its a website where you can post things you don't need for other to get from you for free in your area. Its an effort to keep perfectly good items you don't need out of landfills (Go Green!)

Unfortunately after my moving purge of June I don't have much to contribute to the site (wish I'd known of it back then!) but I am benefitting tremendously from it! In the last 2 weeks I've inherited a crock pot, a set of dishes, a bathroom scale, a desk and chair (which I'm currently sitting at...though I do need to sand it down and repaint it!), a coffee table and a wingback chair! This weekend I bought some pretty throw pillows and a blanket to go with the new furniture and transformed my little apt's living room into a very cozy feeling "home". Next up I'm hoping to get a centerpiece and possibly a rug. Also on freecycle I'm seeking out a dining room table and chairs and either a treadmill or an exercise bike to help me lose some stinking weight this winter. That is the one silver lining of continued waiting....I have more time to get in better shape!

I'm feeling the need to be a little homemaker and hostess lately. My newfound joy of cooking has me ending up with WAY too much food on hand and that doesn't help that whole "losing weight" plan at all. So recently I've made the decision to start inviting people over more often and doing a bit of entertaining (haha)! Last night my friend Caskey came over for dinner and it was really nice. Last weekend I had my friend Holly over and also had a great time. As I improve my little apt space and make it more homey I think I'll really enjoy doing this on a regular basis. I need to be more sociable and not just lock myself away all the time. I really do enjoy cooking...some of my latest efforts: Mint Creamcheese Brownies, Chicken Pot Pie, Hot Cocoa Crockpot Cake, and Beef Stroganoff (with made from scratch mashed potatoes...I know, not at ALL impressive except that I've never done it before LOL) Here's a couple pics...

I'm a social enough person, but I find that when I get very focused in on something I tend to put all my energy into that and its easy to get really wrapped up in myself. I need to focus more on enjoying those around me and the situation I'm in and trusting that all the things I'm hoping and praying for with come to me in their appropriate time.

I went to the temple on Saturday which was nice and I'm also trying to get involved in geneology work. Its a very overwhelming task but I'm looking forward to learning more as I move along. At least the internet and technology of New Family Search make it very easy to get started!

In an effort to think more of others I've also decided to start seeking out more service and missionary opportunities. I won't be spending Christmas the way I'd hoped to so I've decided that during the holidays I want to try to do a lot of service for others to enjoy the season and bring joy to others rather than wallowing. We'll see how that goes...haha

Also in trying to be festive I got myself a new little tree this weekend to put in my bedroom window. I love it!

Anyway...that's my update for now! Hope everyone else is having more luck with their hopes and dreams than I've had this week. Say some extra special prayers for me right now please, I could sure use them!

XOXOXOXOX

Lots of Love